I need help!!! My wife and I live in Alaska for the past 5 years and now she wants to leave Alaska and head to the east coast to be closer to her family. I don't want to move. I have a good job, Beatiful house and live in a great neighborhood. And most of all I love it here. Alaska is the type of enviroment that I want to live in. For the first time in my life I'm happy. I found a place that makes me happy. If I move back I will not be happy and our marriage will fail. I don't know what to do. She will not listen. Her family Mom/Dad wants her to move back and they always mention it to me. And I know they are putting allot of pressure on her. But she would never tell me that though. Help please

Hello LoneWolf,<P> Sounds to me like the marriage may fail anyway. It takes two giving, which I am sure you know. You should not have any preconcieved ideas that the marriage will fail simply because you move to the east coast. <P> Think of it in terms of your wife for a change. She has lived in Alaska for five years. She gave you those years, most likely, at the expense of her own happiness. Lets face it, Alaska can be an extreme place to live and raise a family.<P> I say make the move for the sake of the marriage. Maybe don't move real close to the in-laws, but closer to them. For your wife. I understand your points on the subject. But you WILL lose the marriage eventually if you two can't work something out.<P> Good luck to you friend. Hope everything works out for the best.<P> Jerry<P>I need help!!! My wife and I live in Alaska for the past 5 years and now she wants to leave Alaska and head to the east coast to be closer to her family. I don't want to move. I have a good job, Beatiful house and live in a great neighborhood. And most of all I love it here. Alaska is the type of enviroment that I want to live in. For the first time in my life I'm happy. I found a place that makes me happy. If I move back I will not be happy and our marriage will fail. I don't know what to do. She will not listen. Her family Mom/Dad wants her to move back and they always mention it to me. And I know they are putting allot of pressure on her. But she would never tell me that though. Help please<p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited July 22, 2001).]

Thanks Jerry. You made a point with the info I gave you. But I will have to give you info know. My wife gets everything she wants from me. I was in the Air Force and she didn't like it so I got out because of her. While I was in the Air Force I applied for the State Troopers and was doing good in the interview process, when My told me she didn't want me to become a trooper and if i did she wasn't going with me to where they station me at. So I droped out of the process. My friend mentioned about a job with the prison my wife said go for it. So I did now she wants me to quiet now. You see I do everything for here. I have never stuck up to her because I never wanted to make her mad even if she was wrong. My friends(sister/sister-inlaw) and her/mine family she's how she treats me and they say stay here in Alaska. You need to grow a backbone for once against her. You can't let her get here way all the time and if I give in she wins. For once I need to stick up for what I want/belive in. I have a good job which I had to work real hard to get and I don't want to start over. I don't want to stay up here for the rest of my life, I'm just not ready to move now.

Hi LoneWolf,<P> Well, that makes the call a little tougher to make. I was in a similar situation at one point in my life. We lived in another state from my wifes parents. I too gave my wife more than I should have. The short of it is we made the move. <P> Then, ten years later she repayed me by having an affair. Now during that ten years before the A we had a great life together(or so I thought anyway). Having said that, I firmly believe had I not moved when I did, she would have moved without me anyway.<P> I would suggest that you go ahead and attempt to stay in Alaska and see if she will change her mind. But if you want to keep your wife, I would be prepared to make the move. <P> In my opinion, it boils down to what you want most...your wife...or...your job. It should be an easy thing to decide. I know it is not easy.<P> I feel for you man. I've been there. Best of luck.

Her mother is very demanding and has to have it her way!! I don't want to move back in fear of she will move into our lives more. She was scared me for life by making a threat towards me. I forgave her only because I didn't want my Wife to be upset. I give and give all the time. My wife wanted to trade in her engagment ring for a bigger one I let her even though It hurt me. I got over it though. How much Do I have to give? I'm not ready to move now. Maybe in a couple of years. She will have it no other way move now!!!. My friends see how she treats me and they have told her she would never find a guy how treats her like I do and will put up with her BS that she does to me. AND my wife Agress with them. They tell me to grow a back bone for once and stand up to her. In the end if i move she wins again. I can't let her get her way all the time. I love her even though she has put me through hell and back.

I can totally relate to this. My husband and I moved away from our hometown last fall. We are now 7 hours away from home. Hubby cant find work here and hates it, he feels like he is a prisioner in his own home, he has no friends or family here and he cant find work. Me on the other hand have never been happier, I love my Job, I love where we live, I love the schools and I have no desire to move away. He wants to somedays and somedays he wants to make it work because he knows how well things are going for me here. My career has blown up since moving away and he sees that. My children are in excellent schools which matters to him and he knows they have more opportunity here then anywhere else in this country (NYC Metro area). Your wife needs to weigh out the pros and the cons of a move and she needs to have some compassion for you and your needs, the marriage isnt all about her and what she wants. There is no ME in US or WE and I think your wife is forgetting that. <BR>Good luck to you!<BR>