Hi, I am new to here. I have been reading messages, and I find it's very helpful and resourceful. Well, the reason why I am here is that I have been having problems with my h. We've been married for about 4 yrs. The first yr was a mess. We had communication, anger and sex problems. The marraige to me is a big adjustment. Things have been going much better. All the things have been improving alot. My h has wanted to leave this relationship for several times before. I told him that I don't want him to leave me. I promised to work things better. Two weeks ago, he has thought about leaving again. My anger problem triggered his thoughts. He asked me to move out. <P>He wanted to have some space from me. He said what he needs is to have some time on his own. Maybe he will miss me (maybe not!), then we can be back together. I love him so much, and I don;t want our marriage ends. He said he loves me too. For some reasons, he doesn't want to work things out. I have been seeing a counsellor for 2 yrs. I think he noticed that I have improved a lot. I feel like I am always the only person who work hard in this relationship. However, sometime I feel it is worthless. I feel he doesn't care. No matter how things are going well, he will want to leave me.<P>My h is a workaholic type of person. He loves working much greater than anything else. He feels calling me from work is a burden. Sometimes I try to call him to see how things are going (kind of showing love), he would reply bluntly. <P>Would somebody give me some advice? I need some help. I don't see hope <P>Thanks for reading.<P>

I know how it is to have a workaholic husband. Men seem to get a lot of their self-worth from their jobs. My husband hates it when I call him at work. Try not to call him alot, unless you really need to ask him something. Get involved with a hobby or an exercise program or something to take your mind off him. It will make you feel better about yourself, and as that happens, he will find you more attractive. My husband seems to want to spend more time with me when I'm not available so much.

WORKAHOLIC AND ALONENESS<P>Your husband apprears to me to be very lonely and living in a world of his own like work and also wanting to be on his own and needs counselling and it is hard for you as he has hardened up in certain ways and even spending time with him alone seems to not breakthrough to him<P>You will have to perhaps take a closer look at how you converse with him and that is where your doorway lies<P>Study the conversational techniques in this site as it will help you <P>Watch a little closer when he comes to you to talk to you<P>Do you push him away without meaning like not replying directly to his words and rush away to do something that caught your eye or were you totally present in listening to him and paying attention to him<P>Encourage him to carry out his hobbies that he might be missing<P>Make him his favourite dish<P>Be more quiet around him<P>Mail me and I will help further and refer you<BR>for more counselling<P>kidnpuppetshow@yahoo.com<P>Carol<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CarolBo:<BR><B>WORKAHOLIC AND ALONENESS<P>Your husband apprears to me to be very lonely and living in a world of his own like work and also wanting to be on his own and needs counselling and it is hard for you as he has hardened up in certain ways and even spending time with him alone seems to not breakthrough to him<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your insights, HIT2001 and CarolBo. <P>CarolBo, you are right, my h is a loner living in his own world (probably still in his past). Although both I and my counsellor agree that he needs counselling, he would have excuses not to. He is a clinically depressed person who is under medication. He have seen quite a number of counsellors before. He said that with his experience of seeing counsellors, he know exactly what he needs to do, and said he doesn't think any counsellor will help him. Taking space is his needs. However, I think the problem of him is his inability to communicate his needs before things have gone sour. Something that I noticed is that whenever I did something (e.g. showing anger, having long faces, being unpleasant, etc.), instead of communicating with me what exactly borders him, he will just run away from me, which really scares me. <P>-Indeed<P>