I had an A w/ a MM, I am also M. I got P during the A. My H doesn't want to know if our son is MM or not. He has agreed to raise him as his own and work on our M. We are 7 months into recovery. Things have been stressful for us, I feel that we should presue paternity for the sake of our son and if our son is OM then file for CS. H says no. This is a huge arugument starter in our home. I know H has had a hard time dealing w/ this knowledge but feels that OM has nothing to do with this, so he gets to continue his life as nothing has happened, while we are raising a child by OP. I have a feeling that our son is OM, my H has blue eyes and out son has brown eyes, I also have blue eyes. Neither one of our fanilies has brown eyed children. I feel my H saying no to filing is causing me to resent him for his feelings. It is causing me to feel like it is my problem and mine alone, when it took two to do. I feel OM should be held accountable regardless if he participates in my son's life.<BR>Advice????<BR>R4theS

You seem to be intent on hurting your husband more than he has been hurt. If he has agreed to raise this child as his own be happy with that decision. Give him the right to believe that the child could be his. Regardless of who was the sperm donor he will be the real child's father. Give him the respect that you did not give him when you had the affair and stop arguing with him.

Reaching for the Sun,<P>Please post this in the "Pregnancy/Child" section of this site. I think that you will receive some very good advice from the men and ladies there. A few of them are in your shoes. The others are dealing with children from their H's affair. So expect to get a few stern responses.<P>However, I think Max is pretty right. You are hurting your H very much by wanting to bring the OM back into the relationship. It will not be good for your marriage and at best it will slow down the healing.<P>A lady somewhat like you posted here years ago. Her name was Facing Choices. You can find her by doing a search for her name. The search engine is not so good, but if you find one of her posts then click on the sunglasses and look on the upper left portion of the ensuing page. A line in red will say something about finding all other posts. Click on that and a new window will open and a search will commence.<P>I will tell you the answer to her story as of the last time she posted. Her OM has partial custody, he is in her and the childs life regularly, her H stuck with her, but there has been no healing. She never really faced her choices.<P>Why do I remember this so much. It was her posts that brought me out of lurkdom over 2 years ago, because her story touched me so.<P>I will say this to you. It would seem that you want to keep OM in your life. This is not a good thing. How long has the affair been over and when was the last time you had contact with the OM?<P>Please do post your story and questions in the "Pregnancy..." section. You will recieve many responses.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>PS: Tell them JL sent you.