What do you do about a spouse who lies about everything - small seemingly insignificant stuff but it's chipping away at my love bank and we (or should I say I) can't seem to find a way to help him to be honest. I know I'm not responsible for his honesty but I wonder if anyone else has encountered a lying spouse.

How do you react when he tells you something you might like?<BR>You have to make a safe environment for him to tell you the truth.<BR>

I am in the same boat, you are not alon. My husband has been lying about things for almost a year now. I give him chances to tell me without repreocussions, but he doesn't. Then I find out on my own and.... I am thinking about seprating, I cant take the disrespect and dishonesty.. I hope we both find answers. GOOD LUCK.

I also have a husband whom lied, often about trivial things. Though it has always bothered me, we have been married 28 years, I rationalized he always told the truth about the important things. Or so I thought, until the affair. In the past 2 years trying to recover this marriage I’m finding his continuing lying is the greatest obstacle. He has made progress. I can expect a truthful, though hesitating, answer to a direct question. He recently withheld important information, which is a form of lying, from me. I see this as a deal (marriage recovery) breaker. Where before I could overlook ‘white’ lies. Now, no way. Complete full honesty is the only way this marriage will continue. Am I being unrealistic to expect such a deep-seated personality flaw to change in a 47 year old? Has anyone out there reformed a habitual liar?

My H is lying as I type. He told me he was flying in Sunday and I watched him walk off the plane last night to the OW waiting. They did not see me.<BR> I have not spoken to him.Yet.<BR> We will see what he says then.<BR>One side of me says - enoght is enough<BR>The other - I love him , I want my family back. We have two children to. <P>After working out of town for the week. instead of coming home to them, he made the choice to see her before he comes home.<P>What would you do?? Help.

Dear foolish from lies –<BR>Does he know you know? If not, confront him … now. You will never be in recovery until you have passed through discovery into disclosure. Though Marriage Builders resources have been invaluable for recovery and rebuilding my marriage, I could not have gotten through discovery and disclosure without ‘Torn Asunder’ by Dave Carder. I recommend this book for you.<P>Back on topic, my husband came home while I was composing my previous reply. This was a catalyst for me to start a conversation on the specific lie I was referring to before. We had an emotional air cleaning confrontation. I realized again I also have a responsibility to communicate my unhappiness, distrust, and lack of hope for recovery when he lies. In other words, when he lies, use lots of ‘I feel’ statements right back at him soon. I should not have waited a week. Work and schedule conflicts are not an excuse. I have a tendency to brood and let my imagination run wild. Immediate confrontation and resolution is best.<BR>

I am in the same boat - my husband has been a habitual liar throughout our marriage - from things like returning movies to the video store, lying about things at work, money spent, etc. I too swept it all under the rug, thinking that at least he was honest about the important things. That all changed two years ago when he had an affair and literally spent the next two years lying about everything; he is now on the second affair and still lying to everyone, including himself. I would be interested to know if anyone has stuck it out with a liar like this - I cannot even confront him about it because he is in such denial. We are separated and headed for divorce and I see no hope because I will never believe a word he says. Even now I have discovered new lies, to his new girlfriend and also work-related, and I know that I cannot live with this man any longer. I share responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage but we can never restore it without honesty. It is not my job to fix him, even if he wanted to be fixed (which he doesn't). Having been through what i have been through, I can say that all i want in a relationship is honesty.<P>Good luck to you - I will watch for other responses - maybe someone else has figured out how to deal with this.