I've been married 11 yrs now and my H repeatedly leaves when things aren't going his way. He sometimes leaves for days and many times for overnight. He says that he hates to argue. Well, I don't love it but I think somethings are worth arguing about. I believe that much of his communication problems are due to his drinking problem for which he has been thru out-patient rehab 3x. He doesn't seem to last long at meetings. Sometimes his leaving is just because he wants an excuse to go out and get drunk but I don't know how to resolve anything. I have explained to him that his leaving and threats of divorce leave me feeling very insecure in our marriage and are unacceptable to me, but he continues to do it. It feels like my only options are the extremes (Like it or Leave) I know I cant do the first and am not sure I'm ready for the second. Any suggestions for a middle ground?<BR>

I am probably the LAST person on the plannet to give marriage addvice, but what I can tell you is that when you are ready to move on it will be enough. You arn't trying to keep your marriage together anymore. You're just fighting with yourself. Your husnand comes and goes because he KNOWS you will be there when he wants to come back. When the pain of his comming and going and everything else in your marriage becomes GREATER than the love you have for him, you won't be able to take him back, and only then will he show his true face. He'll either realize that he truely loves you and know he needs to do whatever it takes to keep you, or he will leave for good and let you move on.<BR>I know this isn't a lot of help, but I hope you think about it. Just take a minute or two and think about all the pain he has caused you. Feel that pain and let it come out. Then think about ALL the love you have for him. You will truely know if the love out weighs the pain and then you'll have your answer..<BR> Good luck.<BR>

Just a quick thought. Have you ever attended one of those support groups - like the one for people living & dealing with alcoholics, is that Al-Anon? I think you would find you're not alone. The meetings are often held at churches on evenings or weekends & the times should be printed in your newspaper somewhere. Go at least once & see what its about.