H. Bear-YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My H's affair was also with my ex best friend. It happened almost 6 years ago, but I just found out the truth at the end of June. It is by far the worst experience I can ever imagine. Like you, I also loved the both of them very much. She and I sewed together, traveled, ate together, walked everyday, etc. She claimed that nothing happened, and made me look like I was crazy for thinking otherwise. Now I found out they had sex in her car, at her house, made out at (our) office, and the very worst........were together in my bed. That is easily the lowest, meanest thing they could do to me. They both knew how important my house is to me. <P>Since I found out, I haven't slept in there. I am currently redoing another room to be a bedroom. I am sick of sleeping on the couch. I ordered a new bed, wallpaper, carpet, etc.<P>When this happened, they both were very firm that it was nothing, a harmless crush on my H's part. I even tried to be friends with her long afterward. She basically turned it around that whatever happened was MY fault and never really did tell the truth or apologize. She did say she "handled it all wrong and was only trying to be his friend." I have lots of male friends but I don't sit parked in my car having oral sex with them while our spouses are driving around looking for us, do you?<P>If your ex is sincerely committed to going to counseling and rebuilding trust, yes I do feel you could make it work. We have been in counseling twice, once 9 months after it happened (we were separated that long) and now, since I know the truth. He lied for 6 years and only told because he was "forced to" in counseling. <P>The lies and betrayal are so hard for me to cope with. I also feel like since she broke it off (to supposedly work on her 6 month marriage, a wedding we both stood in), he secretly still is in love with her and is settling for our marriage as 2nd best. He swears this isn't so, but a part of me will probably always think that.<P>My counselor keeps giving me this forgivenenss stuff, I feel like I'm being rushed. I'm not ready to deal with that yet. I have to TAKE CARE OF ME NOW. I rushed back into things with him 6 years ago, against my better judgement and I'm not letting that happen again.<P>I do know we will make it work. It will take a long time to rebuild trust, it took me almost 2 years when I thought it was EA only. It's hard for me also because I don't think her H knows the truth, and he is my H's closest friend (go figure) and business partner. I hate being around him, I feel like I'm lying by not telling him but my counselor said it's not my job. They have since divorced (her 2nd) and she moved far away. See, prayer works!<P>I have some questions for you:<BR>How long has it been since this happened<BR>How did you find out<BR>Did she show any remorse<BR>Do you have any contact with her now<P>I urge you not to get involved with his friend. It will only add to the heartache, and guilt. Oh, my H and I can't have kids either. It's been awful to deal with, tried for many many years. It was very upsetting to hear recently that SHE is pregnant but not married. Another piece of my heart broke when I heard that. Life is certainly unfair at times. But God will take care of all of us. Good luck and don't lose hope. Hope you reply!
