My husband and I are currently separated and I have filed for divorce. We were just married in April 2000. In May of this year, he had an affair. After that, we tried to make it work but it didn't. We are both crushed at our marriage failing and keep trying to make it work out. The biggest problem between us was the verbal abuse and the fact that my husband continues to justify it by saying he was stressed, that there were certain factors involved, etc. How do we get to a point where he understands that there never is an excuse to belittle, yell at, or whatever at his wife? He was also very disrespectful to my 10-yr old son (from another marriage). He has admitted now that how he handled things were bad but still insists that I contributed. The only way I can see that I contributed was that I resisted being bossed around and was intolerant of his behavior. I know he's experiencing a great deal of shock over our marriage failing - just like I am - and the consequeces of his behavior. This is a pattern in his life and I think he's finally waking up to some degree. Still, where do we turn right now to return to the love we once had? He is unemployed at the moment (although he is well-educated and this has never been an issue before) and we can't afford counseling at this time. We did go to counseling before and he turned out to be a very bad choice.

If you're suffering from verbal abuse, the only way for it to stop and still stay together is for him to acknowledge it and change his behavior. Get Patricia Evans' books on verbal abuse.