My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years. About 4 years ago, he had a second back surgery and has been difficult to get along with because of his mood swings. Anyway, the reason I am writing is that he "teases" me - as he calls it constantly. Tonight, we went out to dinner with our son and all the conversation evolved around was insulting type "teasing". I heard things about my intelligence, weight, age, work, school, etc all in what he called as "teasing". Now, I can tolerate teasing to a point but it's so often that it's actually taking place of real conversation. In fact, he never asks me "intelligent" type questions or anything that involves real "thought" or conversing. <BR>He gets VERY angry when I tell him that it's "enough" or that it's out of hand and then, I'm the one who "ruined" the evening. <BR>However, I feel that I'm insulted when it happens so often. Even his good attention to me is more like a tease -- like "groping" type touches instead of hugs. <BR>What's going on with someone who doesn't seem to want an intelligent converstation at all or wants to just play around instead of be warm and loving?<BR>I am not exaggerating that what he is doing is about the only way he relates to me any more. <P>

Dear Ana,<BR>It sounds to me like your H is full of some kind of anger and/or fear. Unable to express it any other way, he is trying to cover it up with "humor." When is humor not funny? When it's at someone else's expense then it is NOT funny and is meant to get a rise out of that person.<P>My H has a very bad back, too, and he also had surgery for it almost 2 years ago now. He became very anxiety-ridden because this was a situation in which he was NOT in control. He is the kind of person that functions best when he is accomplishing something and is doing something that he enjoys doing. Take those two things away from him--even for a little while--and he became an absolute bear! In fact, his self esteem fell so low that he actually went and had some weird kind of affair with a mutual friend (and I use that word VERY losely!). She is a married woman but had designs on my H, and things were going along just peachy for them until I found out about it. During the time after his surgery, by the way, he was also showing signs of anger, fear, and tremendous anxiety, afraid that he'd no longer be the man he once was, or be unable to provide for us, etc.<P>Anyway, what kind of a person is your H? Do any of the things I told you sound a little familiar? It would be interesting to compare stories!<P>Hugs,<BR>Winny<BR>

That doesn't sound like teasing to me. It sounds like the erosion of your self esteem and self confidence. It sounds like a page from <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> <BR>