ive been married 22 years to my high school sweet heart. 5 years ago she was labeled manic depression, we went to phycoligist,physicatrist,counslers etc. needless to say it was overwhelming. her family, older sister and parents said it was to much stress for them to deal with so they stopped communication and contact with with us.so much to tell so ill try to get to the piont.at times her behavior was bazar, she also stayed in her bedroom for many of these days with a fear of going out doors.1st frustration,then verbal abuse then physical abuse not by just one of us but by both. then we decided she should get off her meds.during the period just mentioned bags where packed many times and one of us would leave for a day or two but always come back<BR>home.lately verbal abuse by both of us has gotten out of control and then i unable to control my self hit her on 3 different occasions the last time she hit me in the arm first then id hit her back in the arm then i just remember us going after each other and of course she would get the raw end of it and have terrible bruses.well she finally left me.at first iwas glad into the second week i had awake up call and realized that i had become a bad person.also for the first time isaw the anger then the hurt in her. oh my god what have i done to her. i realized only a sick and bad person could inflict this much on another fellow human.<BR>when i saw her pain..... my hurt from knowing i created that in her.... nor did she have any confidence or self esteem left in her my hurt has become unbearable knowing i did this. her infliction on me really hasnt effected me i dont know maybe cause im a man and words just bounch off me. i am resentfull for the fact that now her family is back in the picture and im the bad guy they continue to tell her not to ever go back to me and try to make it work.<BR>ive told her i had a wake up call ive seen myself for the 1st time ever in our marraige and i hate who ive become i am told by her that the old me was a good person. im now going to seek counsling to be that good person again. BUT MY WIFE SAYS SHES NOT SURE SHE CAN EVER GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE AGAIN THIS IS TEARING ME APART.I TRULY HAVE SEEN MY WRONGS AND FEEL THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME FINALLY WAKEING UPTHAT I CAN TREAT HER THE RIGHT WAY.BEFOER I WAS NUMB I FIGURED SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE SO I WOULDNT CARE HOW I TREATED HER NOW I KNOW I COULD LOSE HER FOR GOOD AND IVE OPENED MY EYES LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND HATE WHAT I SEE.BEFORE I THOUGHT IT WASLIKE A GAME WHO COULD PUT WHO DOWN BETTER AND THERE WOULD BE A WINNER AND LOSER. WHAT A FOOL I WAS. I AM ASHAMED OFMYSELF AND UNDERSTAND WHY SHE HAS SO MUCH ANGER, HATE, HURT, IN HER IVE EXPLAINED TO HER THAT I HAVE FINALLY SEEN MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I SEE AND REALIZE NOW, WHAT I DIDNT BEFORE. I AM SEEKING COUNSLING TO BECOME A GOOD PERSON AGAIN AND MOST OF ALL I AM PLEEDING FOR HER TO GIVE US 1 LAST TRY .I KNOW THAT WHAT I KNOW NOW , CAN MAKE A DIFFERANCE.IN THE PAST I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL JUST HER FAULT.BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER AND BECAUSE OF THAT I REALLY IN MY HEART FEEL WE COULD MAKE IT WORK WITH EQUAL EFFORT FROM HER. HER HEART IS SO HARD AND IM SURE HER FAMILYS INFLUENCE OF BEING NEGETIVE ISNT HELPING .<BR>IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE SHE IS WILLING TO TRY 1 LAST TIME ITS TEARING ME APART I STILL LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND I KNOW I COULD DO THINGS RIGHT THIS TIME .WHAT CAN I DO TO CONVINCE HER OF THIS. HELP ME PLEASE. SOME ONE IM DIEING INSIDE AND CANT BARE THE THOUGHT OF NEVER BEING WITH HER AGAIN<p>[This message has been edited by shep4short (edited September 02, 2001).]

Hi - I'm a fairly new member and since I have been here, I have learned alot about what I should be and should not be doing. My husband left a little over a month ago. There is no OW or OM that we are dealing with, just communication problems. When my husband first left, I tried everything I could to get him back - it didn't work, I just pushed him further away. We started marriage counseling last week and he told the therapist he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back or not, he liked his freedom. After being together almost 8 years total, he wants freedom now. Well, that was such a blow to the stomach because I never knew his reasons for not coming back. So now I have been laying low, leaving him alone, giving him the time he needs to sort out and resolve his problems. He just recently suggested we go out on a "date" (what the therapist suggested) because my husband does not come around, only when he wants or needs something. We were suppose to go out tonight but he worked late and is having problems with his car. He did stop over right after work and said he was sorry that we can't go out tonight but we will definately go out on Tuesday. We actually talked for about a half hour, discussing things that we could never talk about before dealing with him coming back, etc. He even said he was going to start coming around more. He said he needs time and going to counseling is going to help him and our marriage out a great deal because he is confused. When he was leaving he came over to me and gave me a big, long hug. Something I haven't gotten from him since he left over a month ago.<P>What I'm trying to get at with my story is when I was hounding him on when he was coming back, he kept going further away and nothing was getting resolved. When he would call me, I would question him up and down about things and why can't he give our marriage a chance, etc. That pushed him away too. Now that I have been laying low and not asking him those questions, I have seen a little bit of change in him for the good. I have also realized that you can't change or make up someone else's mind. They have to do it on their own, only if they want to. And you have to work on yourself first, before you can work on your marriage.<P>I hope this helped a little.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shep4short:<BR><B>ive been married 22 years to my high school sweet heart. 5 years ago she was labeled manic depression, we went to phycoligist,physicatrist,counslers etc. needless to say it was overwhelming. her family, older sister and parents said it was to much stress for them to deal with so they stopped communication and contact with with us.so much to tell so ill try to get to the piont.at times her behavior was bazar, she also stayed in her bedroom for many of these days with a fear of going out doors.1st frustration,then verbal abuse then physical abuse not by just one of us but by both. then we decided she should get off her meds.during the period just mentioned bags where packed many times and one of us would leave for a day or two but always come back<BR>home.lately verbal abuse by both of us has gotten out of control and then i unable to control my self hit her on 3 different occasions the last time she hit me in the arm first then id hit her back in the arm then i just remember us going after each other and of course she would get the raw end of it and have terrible bruses.well she finally left me.at first iwas glad into the second week i had awake up call and realized that i had become a bad person.also for the first time isaw the anger then the hurt in her. oh my god what have i done to her. i realized only a sick and bad person could inflict this much on another fellow human.<BR>when i saw her pain..... my hurt from knowing i created that in her.... nor did she have any confidence or self esteem left in her my hurt has become unbearable knowing i did this. her infliction on me really hasnt effected me i dont know maybe cause im a man and words just bounch off me. i am resentfull for the fact that now her family is back in the picture and im the bad guy they continue to tell her not to ever go back to me and try to make it work.<BR>ive told her i had a wake up call ive seen myself for the 1st time ever in our marraige and i hate who ive become i am told by her that the old me was a good person. im now going to seek counsling to be that good person again. BUT MY WIFE SAYS SHES NOT SURE SHE CAN EVER GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE AGAIN THIS IS TEARING ME APART.I TRULY HAVE SEEN MY WRONGS AND FEEL THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME FINALLY WAKEING UPTHAT I CAN TREAT HER THE RIGHT WAY.BEFOER I WAS NUMB I FIGURED SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE SO I WOULDNT CARE HOW I TREATED HER NOW I KNOW I COULD LOSE HER FOR GOOD AND IVE OPENED MY EYES LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND HATE WHAT I SEE.BEFORE I THOUGHT IT WASLIKE A GAME WHO COULD PUT WHO DOWN BETTER AND THERE WOULD BE A WINNER AND LOSER. WHAT A FOOL I WAS. I AM ASHAMED OFMYSELF AND UNDERSTAND WHY SHE HAS SO MUCH ANGER, HATE, HURT, IN HER IVE EXPLAINED TO HER THAT I HAVE FINALLY SEEN MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I SEE AND REALIZE NOW, WHAT I DIDNT BEFORE. I AM SEEKING COUNSLING TO BECOME A GOOD PERSON AGAIN AND MOST OF ALL I AM PLEEDING FOR HER TO GIVE US 1 LAST TRY .I KNOW THAT WHAT I KNOW NOW , CAN MAKE A DIFFERANCE.IN THE PAST I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL JUST HER FAULT.BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER AND BECAUSE OF THAT I REALLY IN MY HEART FEEL WE COULD MAKE IT WORK WITH EQUAL EFFORT FROM HER. HER HEART IS SO HARD AND IM SURE HER FAMILYS INFLUENCE OF BEING NEGETIVE ISNT HELPING .<BR>IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE SHE IS WILLING TO TRY 1 LAST TIME ITS TEARING ME APART I STILL LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND I KNOW I COULD DO THINGS RIGHT THIS TIME .WHAT CAN I DO TO CONVINCE HER OF THIS. HELP ME PLEASE. SOME ONE IM DIEING INSIDE AND CANT BARE THE THOUGHT OF NEVER BEING WITH HER AGAIN</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>