Hi, GFB....<BR>I have been wondering how you are doing. Are you adjusting to your somewhat new situation any better? Please do drop me a quick line and let me know how you are.<P>Hugs <BR>Winny

Hello Winny,<BR>Situation normal...All F-ed Up. <BR>I just got some literature from the D-Mill(www.divorceus.com), So I have until the 19th of October to respond. This place is so cheap they have a return address sticker over a preprinted video store return addressed envelope...isn't that illegal?? live been trying to bite my tongue whenever I speak with the woman I'm still married to, but you know what when I ask her time and time again about the OM she gets so mad at me...the truth hurts! She is still heading down to Va with him, oh but there is nothing going on. I've almost told her to make sure he wears a condom....I'm very close to showing up on his door step one evening prior to them leaving to beat his [censored], reading the Bible has kept me at bay...but the urge is so strong I can taste it. This woman didn't leave me for nothing and if she can leave her ugliness behind, I could forgive her, but for now I'm trying to nickel and dine her to death...UGH I'm soooooooo angry. <P>BTW, what do you suggest I do to relieve stress from trying to find my dogs a home(because my schedule stinks thanks to Bin Laden and my wife doesn't want any part of them...for two days of work/commuting/dog sitting it costs me $65), selling my home because I can't afford it on a single income, giving up on my marriage, watching her run around with someone else, having to drive home after a 12hr night shift...<P>Sorry about this post, but sometimes you have to fight to be a man.<P>I hope everything is well with you and the hubby...and the horses of course,<P>M<BR>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Goinforbroke:<P>M,<BR>I was so happy to see your post this a.m.! Holy cow! I must have missed a couple of steps here. FUBAR, huh? I didn't know your W was going on a trip w/OM! When did this come about, and how? Let me guess: it's a 'business trip', right? Uh huh. Back to this in a moment, first, those poor dogs need some help. Do you live any where near a North Shore Animal League? I would contact them first, M. They are a very kind and caring group that do not put animals down and strive to find them good homes. Please, do NOT put them in the SPCA. Older dogs are the first to "go", and I don't mean to good homes. Also, if you belong to a church, ask them to post this in their weekly bulletin (two dogs need a good home, use good descriptive words like 'housebroken', 'established', 'trained', or whatever their best traits are. Also, tell everyone you come into contact with and someone will know someone else who is an animal lover, who needs a pet or who is looking for a pet and so on. <P>Now, what is "D-Mill", and why do you need to respond? Is this some kind of legal group or organization?? I've never heard of it before. As for wanting to push the OM's face in, DON'T DO IT. Not just yet, anyway. (oh, ok...maybe never). BUT...keep trying to get proof of an A. Is it possible to hire a PI? I know they are very expensive, but sometimes it's worth it to save a LOT more in the end. If you could just do it for one or two days...??? Call and ask what the rate would be. It doesn't cost anything to ask. Or, if you can find out if they are going to have one room or two in VA, that in itself is some kind of proof that she is fooling around w/him. <P>For now, though, you need to focus more on yourself and less on her. You have an awful lot on your plate right now, M, and I know that with the Sept. 11th attack, things have gotten far more hectic everywhere. It's hard as h***, but you need to distance yourself emotionally as far as you can from the present state of things w/her. Don't focus on the pain, disappointment or despair that you are feeling. Focus instead on moving forward It's funny how it works, but when we zero in on our negative feelings, they seem to self propagate. If you can push them away consciously for a while here and there, you'll be amazed at how your mind will clear. <P>Take care of today and only today. One day at a time, and often, one moment at a time. Remember Sept. 11th? There is no guarantee that tomorrow will even get here, so why worry about it? Just focus on what you need to do today (like finding homes for your dogs, for instance), and let tomorrow happen in its own good time. Someone wise told me a while back that there really is no past or no future--there is only right now. Right now, you need to take care of M and his needs, whatever they may be. She will get hers, eventually, M. It's a long, slow path to justice for cheaters and liars, but eventually, the truth comes out and they will have to pay the price for it, one way or the other.<P>Stay strong--write here often and vent as much as you need to. I'm doing ok, thanks, and have more good moments now than bad. The horses have been munching their way through bags of carrots and apples, and I was thrilled to see a new colt! He is soooo cute!! My neighbors told me I could come over to the stables anytime and even help brush the horses down, if I like. So far, taking care of my mom has been monopolizing most of my time, but that's ok. The horses aren't going anywhere.<P>Hang in there, M. I'm praying for you. It's rough, I know, but you will come out of this even stronger in the end. I promise you that!<P>Hugs,<BR>Winny<P><BR>

Funny things happened after i expressed I wantd to puch his face in...I think I pulled a shoulder muscle <BR>and a hip flexor...I'm so mad!<P>As for the trip to VA. Yes it's business, there is a 15 day racing meet at Colonial Downs and it just so happens they're going together, can't figure out if they've got a room together...not yet at least. I have my dasy hwere i think she is and maybe she isn't foling around. i wish I could be sure either way it would be closure for me. And as for not worrying about tomorrow, there really is tooooo much on my <BR>plate right now and I cannot, even possibly push it aside. Like I mentioned before, 4 days a week I work 6pm-6am with a two hour commute each way, i have to come home feed and walk the dogs and everyhthing else that go's with them. <P>Oh yeah, D-mill is a divorce mill, one of those internet companies...for 500 bucks you can file, never appear and get a divorce decree from another county...Divorceus.com is in your neck of the woods, West Chester. They're envelopes are preprinted for a video store with one of their divorceus.com <BR>address labels obscuring it..cheap shots. I may not sign, even though we've pretty much got out settlement figured out...I don't want a divorce. But it's apparent she does, no matter how much I pray the devil has such sharp grasping tools and he's got them deep in my wife. <P>A new colt next door huh..that sounds like what destroyed my marriage...oh the horse, you know whats fun, if he doesn't have his teeth he'll gum your arm if you let him...it <BR>gives him sime sense of accomplishment...how about those little hooves.<P>Have a good one Win...I've got to find something to do tonight.<BR>M

Hey, M!<BR>I hear ya loud and clear, my friend! I know just what you mean about 'closure.' What's odd is that I was never able to prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that my H's little friendship went PA and for some reason, that still bothers me. I know they had some weird, close relationship going there for a while but due to circumstances, I was not able to really dig up any proof "for sure." That is, I never caught them together. Down deep, I feel that they must have crossed that line but it's really the pits when the BS doesn't know for sure.<P>Ya know what?? It hit me that in a way, it really doesn't matter if we know or not. The point is, our spouses attention is not on us, and for you your W is willing to throw in the towel completely. For me, my H is still on the fence and I have no proof one way or the other what he intends to do. One thing that has come out of all this for me is that I have grown in ways over this past year that are good for me--and I mean really good. I'm at the point now where I know I can make it and go on, with or without him. The pain is still there, sure, but it's not as devastating as it was 6 months ago, or a year ago. <P>Pain is funny, M. It can make or break a person. I still say it's a choice. You can choose to go on with your life or not. You can choose to remain depressed or find new things in life to capture your attention. It doesn't always have to mean finding someone new, either. <P>I learned to never put all my trust in another human being again, no matter how much I may love him. Another lesson is that that little feeling you get, deep inside, that warns of approaching danger is REAL and it should be heeded. Looking back now, I see where I was literally being set up last summer and at the time, I just knew something was off, but had no idea what it could be. NOW I know. The ONLY "true love" is the love we feel for our own selves. It is important to take care of one's self, and to never let another's needs, wants or desires completely squash our own. I learned I am a worthwhile, decent person and I deserve someone who is treats me with decency and respect in return. To be lied to, cheated on and cast aside like an old shoe is NOT respect, nor is it decent behavior. <P>So, whether or not your W's A went to the physical stage or not is not really at the crux of things, is it? No..it's that she is not treating you with love or respect and has shown you she prefers the company of someone else. <P>It's time to move on, M. Let her go and if she was/is truly yours, she will come back to you. I'm doing that with my H now and it's having quite an effect. He isn't sure what to think right now, and that's OK because I'm not sure how I feel right now, either. That's a side effect of pain. It coulds judgement and makes clear thinking very difficult. I only know that I will never, ever again allow someone to control my life to such a degree that I would feel less than whole, should he leave me. <P>Keep on posting, M! It helps to get the bad stuff out.<P>Hugs to you and wishes for a more peaceful evening,<BR>Winny<BR>