Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'ts taken me a year to finally realize that I can't live in the past. What is done is done, and I can't change it, but I can change my future. With my new attitude, comes a new more positive name. "SUCCESS STORY." It's been a long road, with many obstacles in the way. Some days, there were small rocks I had to step over, other days it seemed like mountains I had to climb. Today I realized I can finally see the end of the road. The journey has been the hardest I have ever had to take, but I HAVE MADE IT!!! I sat and had a cry today. Not unusual for me, as my Grandma used to tell me I had the same problem as she, our bladders are too close to our eyes. The unusual thing was that instead of crying about how I had been wronged, I was crying for what was right. When I closed my eyes, instead of conjuring up images of my H in various sexual positions, I saw my H bringing me flowers last week. He came through the door, with his hands behind his back (transparent huh?) He told me to close my eyes, and when I opened them, there he stood holding them out for me, smiling that smile that made me fall in love with him. What can I say? I'm a sucker for dimples! Up until now, I have never really appreciated the effort he has been putting forth to make this marriage work. Maybe, if I hadn't been stuck on 33 speed instead of 45, I would have seen it sooner. Make no mistake about it, there was no excuse for his behaviour. That can never be justified. I am not at a point, where I realize before it ever started, the signs were there. I just chose to ignore them. One example that stands out in my mind, was one afternoon when he had "coaxed" me into the bedroom. Afterwards, he cuddled, and asked me why we didn't do this more often. My answer? I got dressed, left the room in a snit, and went back to "more important things." What could have been more important than our marriage? For the past year, he has been making every possible effort to show his love for me. I was just too bull headed to see it. We'll be out driving, and he'll take my left hand, kiss my wedding ring, then put my hand to his cheek. Nothing is said, but many things are understood without words being spoken. Not a morning goes by, that he doesn't tell me how beautiful I am. Instead of pointing out to him what a mess i am, I will now accept his compliment with a smile. I can't count the times he'll do yard work all day, while I watch him, and then he gives ME a backrub in the evening. Everyday he tells me how proud and lucky he is to have me for his wife. The last 35 years, we have been through so much. The death of our infant daughter, my breast cancer surgery (5 years clean this Nov. YEAH!) and so much more, but we overcame all of it, and it only made us stronger. Instead of wishing for what I can't have (erasing those 6 months) I am now going to concentrate on what I have. Two wonderful sons, four precious grandchildren, and most importantly, the man I love with all my heart by my side. LIFE IS GOOD!! <P>SUCCESS STORY (Formerly Why Me)<P>------------------<P>SUCCESS STORY<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by why me (edited August 28, 1999).]

Dear Mrs. Success Story!<P>That was BEAUTIFUL!!!! <P>Thank you.<BR>TNT

WOW! Beautiful post - I'm very happy for you. Why does it take such a painful experience to appreciate our marriage? <P> Magoskid

That was wonderful - and just what I needed. Thanks<P>Lori

Good for you.... All the best and thank you for the ray of hope..<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

SS,<BR>Your feelings are heeling, you have compassion for your Husband, you have such a wonderful way with words, I could hear music in the back ground. (I am watching "Ever After" on HBO.) Isn't it a Great feeling when it comes back, when you truley feel that he is yours, and the trust can't be mistaken. It's like a new marriage. It all hit me at a year too, I am at 18mo. now. It will even get better! I hope EVERYONE reads your post and knows that it can happen, you will be such an inspiration for them. Keep posting and continue sharing.<BR>I would like to change my name too. "Happy" <P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

I want to believe it can happen. I do, but I feel so discouraged. Its been seven months since the bomb dropped and, though we've made some progress, we still seem miles from each other. He still says he feels a lack for me, no passion, etc. Says he wants to stay married, wants it to work but the connection that once existed between us has been severed. Can we really be re-connected. Can the broken fellowship really be restored? I see that it has happened for others but sometimes I wonder if it is really possible that it can happen for me.

TNT- Thank you too!!<P>magoskid- To really feel pleasure, we have to experience the pain. (Would have preferred a migraine, though!)<P>lostva- Just remember. "Good things come to those who wait."<P>Rutger- One day at a time. So True.<P>Happy. Great name change. Sounds like 1 year is the magic #. Gets better you say? Can't wait!! BTW: Speaking of music. Ever listened to "DON'T KNOW MUCH" by Linda Ronstadt/Aaron Neville? It just about sums up where we are now.<P>bubblemaker: A lot of us have been where you are. Speaking for myself, I realize that I was afraid to accept any kind word or action. Defence mechanism, I guess. Have you tried counseling? We started going weekly in November. It is amazing what you learn about yourself. It is costly, but when you take into consideration the cost of selling the home/real estate fees/moving expenses/divorce costs, etc. it is a small price to pay, if you end up coming out of it with a better marriage than you have ever had. Don't stop trying!!<P>SUCCESS STORY (formerly why me)<BR>aka: Sandy<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Success Story,<BR>This should be back on top, more people should read it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Happy <P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

Hey A H (maybe I should write that out-lol-doesn't look good just initialed)<P>It did belong back on top-cause this time I read it!!! And it gave me goose bumps. WAY TO GO SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I see a light...........................<P>*heartache*

Just realized as I read these posts. Most of us are using a sense of humour to deal with this. Guess that's our first sign that we are "becoming normal again. <P>Heartache: You are right about seeing the light. Sometimes we get very comfortable stumbling around in the dark, and it takes a lot of courage to finally "flip the switch."<P>Success Story (why me)<BR>Sandy<p>[This message has been edited by why me (edited August 30, 1999).]

Sandy, I am happy you have found the path to full forgiveness and unconditional love. I hope to get there. I'm happy for you.

More need to read this ! <P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

Bringing this back up for Samantha! <P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

Hey all and AH thanks so much for bringing this up. It is a wonderful testimony and I did read it when it first was posted. I am very glad to have read it again.<P>I have so much love for all of you. Thanks so much for helping me in all the ways you have. I can only hope that one day I can help others the same way.<P>Sense I have to be in this club (Marriage Builders/infidelity) and you all do to I am thanking God that you are all such wonderful people. <P>Why me I am so happy for you both. You are a wonderful inspiration.