I have been married for 5 years now, and we have a 3 year old son. All these years my husband made me feel like a goddess! I felt that if ANYTHING was to end our relationship, it would be because of a decision I (myself) made. He could NEVER stop loving me. He would tell me almost everyday how much in love he was! Well I was misled. Ever since the day I said I said "I DO" I always felt that I may not be fully "in love" with my husband. Only because he was my first EVERYTHING!!! Kiss, date, love partner...EVERYTHING. So I always had those doubts that I might just be attached to him because he was the first guy who ever noticed me and loved me for ME! Well... he is also in the military, and he was just away for 3 months. During those months I finally had something click inside my head that screamed I REALLY DO LOVE THIS MAN!! I was so excited to finally show these new feelings to him, but when he came home it was just his body, not his heart! He was down right COLD! See... I had finally pushed all of the embarrassment aside and bought a skimpy nighty for the homecoming night. We enjoyed it, but it just didn't feel "right."<P> Than...after the 7th time of me walking by his office and seeing him masturbating to nasty cyber pics I got furious! Mainly because...WE had only been intimate TWICE!!! So I hung a note behind his head that asked if he liked his fist better than the real thing. Well, I saw him read it, but instead of coming and talking to me, he turned right around and starting writing an e-mail. I was curious so I peeked. It was in spanish! When he finally hit the translate button I quickly read the line, ' I too dream about you every night" and "she will turn my son against me!" I was totally crushed! <P> I freaked out and when I was calmed down enough to talk he said that NOTHING ever "happened" between them, and that he only saw her once. I than found out that he TOO had time to think those 3 months and while thinking he realized that he was "LYING TO HIMSELF" about how he felt towards me! He didn't like how I was pushing certain responsibilities aside when it came to being a mom and wife. I did agree. I was never taught the correct way of housecleaning due to a mother who did EVERYTHING for me! I didn't even know how to turn a washing machine on until I met my husband! But he knew this. He just thought that ...like motherhood.. it's just something that would come naturally. It wasn't just the house cleaning though. He pin pointed my motivation and ambition...and how I don't have any. He said he recently found that he was attracted to more ambitious women. He said I start things and don't finish them. (diets for example.) He asked me what I saw myself doing in 5-10 years and I said "this."Basically...being a wife and mom. <P> I never had a desire to go to college. I had to be forced into every job I had, and I was never happy at any of them. My mom lives off of her social security checks and NEVER worked a day in her life until I was a soph. in high school. I just figured I could do the same. All I wanted was to be a housewife. Be married and have a child. Well I have that and I thought my life was complete until now. I'm scared. i'm far from a down right slob. I thought I was FINALLY keeping a decent house, because a few years back I WAS a slob. I should say we BOTH were, but I swore NEVER to live through that embarrassment again! When we moved back here to FL and got this beautiful house, I shaped up and tried to keep it clean. It was and is clean, but it's the point of WHEN I finally get around to cleaning things that he was getting at. I would just let things go awhile. Almost as if I was waiting for HIM to do it for me. I think I was. Especially when he got back from sea this time. But, I did promise I'd change for him AND myself!<P> I always knew I had a laziness problem, and now that I had this swift, and scary, kick in the [censored]... I feel like I can change for the better. I don't ever want to lose this man! I love him too much!! He said he was close to leaving until he talked with that other woman in ecuador. Believe it or not...she's the one that convinced him to stick it out with me and give me a chance! Mainly because I was still unaware of his feelings. But now I know how he feels, and I want to make him happy again. He said NUMEROUS times that he just "wasn't happy," and that he "fell outta love with me." That killed me. How can you be married to someone that dosen't love you? But now, after talking, we are laughing, having fun and being friendly again. AND... after a few MORE talks and UN-empty promises, we are love making and saying "I love you" again. But I still have HUGE doubts. I'm very, very scared that all of my hard work won't pay off. I feel like all this horrible stuff just blew off too quickly. Like he's still lying to himself. I hate this please help! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi<P>I notice you registered in August 200, is this only your 2nd post? WOW! Have you been lurking here all that time?<P>It's okay, lurking is sort of a good word here, cos as you lurk, you learn. However, have you read the articles, and the Plan A stuff, love busters and the love banks, emotional needs etc? You really need to search around this site and read this stuff...it will give you a lot of insight.<P>We all have noticed the bad stuff about ourselves once the husband or wife fdetaches from us...it somehow brings it to the surface. You already know some of your husband's needs, so if you want to save your marriage, start to fill them. Change yourself...be what he likes you to be. Is this true to yourself? Right now, no, but what would you rather....pride, or your marriage? After a while, the changes become permanent anyway....so try, and keep your head up!<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Thanks Nina<P> You definately put a smile on my face this morning! See, I found some VERY disturbing e-mails that he had sent to that OW in Ecuador. I read some last night and it scared me half to death. I won't get too much into what they said, but it didn't look very promising at all. He was basically making it sound as if he was just stuck here for now but was dreaming about being with her. It killed me, but I found enough strength last night to bring it up with him. Thank God I did. He said he is just keeping his "options open" incase I don't change.That hurt, but again it's his tough love. He did confess that he is seeing an AWESOME difference in me. That made me feel better. I guess this is still a reality check for me. I'm still VERY uncomfortable that he is confessing his love to her AS WELL AS to me! I'm very confused, but all I can do right now is trust what he is reassuring me with. <P> He said he never wants to leave our son OR take him from me. He also said that if it wasn't FOR our son he probably would've left without giving me a chance. He than realized that would have been wrong to do since I really had no idea. I'm still walking on eggshells though, and praying that he is being truthful. I see a definate change in his attitude towards me, and I asked if that was him lying to himself again. He said No because he knows what he sees, and he sees me finally showing progress. I hope he's right. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

PS- Nina...we resolved our last conflict from 2000, and so I just lost track of this board. But thank God you all were still here for me again! Thanks! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]