The last couple of nights I have really tried to hear what my H is saying. I know that one of his biggest EN is the physical asspects of the marriage (sex)<P>We talked on Friday evening, but during the discussion he also turned on the CB answered some of the people on there. Walked away from the table and logged on the the computer.<P>When I said, I thought we were sitting and having a nice coversation. His reply was "Well I guess that I am just like a woman I can do more then one thing at a time" <P>This is not a line that I use, but is something I have heard from him repeatedly through the marriage.<P>I tried to brush it off with a laugh and say, But I want your undivided attention honey. His reply was "Well I don't get that from you"<P>So didn't take it personal (even though I had been sitting at the table listening to him before that)<P>When we went to bed he wanted to be physical, I ended up with a coughing spell and then sick.( looking at myself, was this on purpose because I was not feeling like my needs were being met?)<P>Saturday night he talked at great lenght about how homesick he was, and how much he really missed just getting out and away from people. Then went and logged onto the computer and went to a Chat area.<P>Anyways, I turned off the TV, grabbed my coat..said COME ON....wouldn't tell him where or anything.<P>Stopped at the party store and picked up a 6pack, drove down a dirt road and took him to one of our "wilder" metro parks. Took the blanket out of the car, put it under a tree and proceeded to seduce him. (not completely) but he sure was ready to head back to the house.<BR> <BR>The boys weren't here and my H likes the idea of me being nakid in the house, not just in the bedroom. So went into the bathroom and came out nakid.<P>He was on the CB. I picked up the mic and said "Sorry boys H is all done playing with you because now he is gonna come play with me" (again something he likes)(shows the guys he is "THE MAN")<P>When I put the mic down he picked it up and called for one of the other CBers (female) and had this long conversation about some CB parts she wanted that he had.<P>I ended up feeling extremely exposed emotionally and rejected. Looked at him and said...."good night" <P>When he came in the room, he was angry, when I tried to say that I felt like the CB came before me and I felt rejected. His response was to look at the ceiling roll his eyes throw up his hands and say "I ****ing give up"<P>WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING WRONG?<P>-KAT-<P> [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

(((((((((((((kat)))))))))))))<P>You are NOT going wrong...he is though.<P>When presented with a naked wife, a normal response would be to 'read the signals', especially after your wonderful little plan...that was SSSSSSOOOOOOO good!!!<P>How insensitive of him, and how sad you must feel.<P>Try, though it will be hard, to talk to him...obviously you were sending all the right signals; he chose to ignore them...find out why this is so. <P>I would bet that any man would LOVE what you did for your H, and so that's why I say the problem lies with him, and that you should talk.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Nina,<BR>Thank you so much for your support, I am hoping to get some input from some of the guys on how to reach this man of mine. <P>I don't know if you read my other thread from Imature Husband.<P>There are so many things in the last two years that I keep asking myself "what am I missing" "what am I not hearing"<P>I know that he has betrayed my trust. Not in the fact that he had an A. We had a major fight over the DAMN CB...several months ago and I still harbor resentments. I don't bring it up anymore. But still have some trust issues about it.<P>**sigh** was really a simple thing, he wanted a CB in my car, I didn't ...he told me I had no choice. Put one in my car. <P>Finally I gave in and picked out a differnt CB that I liked. But we agreed "no more CB expenditures for awhile"<P>He went out and as a surprise bought me a new CB....but NOT the one I had wanted.<P>Then he bought an Amplifier for his CB..said we need to get one for you....I said NO!!! I DO NOT WANT AN AMP...first they are illegal second I don't want that drain on my car's electrical system.<P>He bought one anyways, installed it, HID it from me and let me drive my car running this AMP for over 6 weeks, before he told me about it.<P>When he finally admitted it...I was so hurt that he would completely disregard what I said and do what he wanted. I felt betrayed..So I took the CB and AMp and antenna out of my car. WE fought for days on this. <P>But that is just one thing in a list of many. And I keep saying....WHAT AM I NOT SAYING RIGHT......or doing right to get across to this man that I love, so we can bridge this communication gap and to where we are both meeting each others EN.<P>ANYONE???? INPUT PLEASE<P>-KAT-

Kat,<P>You are doing a great job. One suggestion would be, when he says you are not meeting his needs, tell him you want to and ask him what you can do better to meet these. <P>Also, the taking him out and doing something spontaneous and everything he liked, was wonderful. I would have felt embarrassed too. Don't let one set back stop you from continuing what you are doing.<P>I would say that you and your husband need to seek counseling together. Have you both filled out the emotional needs surveys or anything together? Try to get him involved in counseling. Tell him you are worried about where your marriage is heading and you want to be a better wife for him. Tell him that you want him to go to counseling with you in order to do this, because you don't want a failed marriage. Even though you want him to be a better husband, if you say that, he may pull away and get defensive. They hate hearing that they are failing.<P>Oh I think you should post this on EN and DD forums. You will get a lot more responses to help you on these forums.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

I dont want to seem mean, but I am willing to bet hard earned money that he has another woman. Unfortunately, the same thing happened to me. I talked to my friends and even went to see my priest. They all told me the same thing. Seems like there is someone else. the problem was they didn't know my loving sweet husband. he would never do such a thing. Little did I know they were right. statistics say that a man is more likeley to live in a relationship without love than a woman. That he will almost always settle for less because he really doesn't "need" all that much. That is unless he finds someone else. That is when a man will leave his family. When he thinks he has found "true" love. The truth be told he could be married 17 times before he dies if he stops trying after the "romantic love" is gone. Because that is just nature. Read this sight. It will help. <P>Take care.<P>Jenni

Another option that may be worth exploring is depression. I suffered from cronic depression for over 10 years. I can recall my W doing similar things many times to reach me. I recall it though the haze I was living in at the time. These memories haunt me now since my disconnection has nearly ended my marriage. It may be worthwhile to do a bit of reading and see if he suffers some symptoms. I'd give my arm for my wife to do something like that for me again. Best of everything to you!

Jenni,<P>Maybe I do have my head in the sand but I really don't think he is with anyone else. I do think he has periodic desires to be with a man. But no one special.<P>Sofar, <P>I have talked to him about depression, have offered some Welbutron, because I felt that it would help.<P>Complete refusal, there are times that I think he might be Manic. But can't get him to a doctors to find out for sure.<P>-Kat-

Kat, If you think he may be bi-polar, you'll have to be catious with any meds. My psych thought I may be bi-polar and he warned me that anti-depressants can send bi-polars into orbit. Something to consider. I hope you can get him to go see some one. If my W could have convinced me to go, I'd not be on this board now. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Best of luck!