My H had a telephone affair 10 months ago. It lasted only 23days. He says he loves me more than anything. Claims he loved me even when he was talking to the OW on the phone. He says he was very unhappy with his job, his life, etc. and she was boosting his precious male ego. Anyhow, I can't stop obsessing over it! I act like it was a full blown physical affair. He said he never had feelings for her (she is fat!) and he only enjoyed the "game". I believe him. But why can't I let go? I have so many negative thoughts, I obsess with this and it has been over for 10 months. I trust my husband, but I want to know why why why he did this to me! He had no right. He knew it was wrong, and he knew I was supsicious, and I even asked him if he were cheating. He said no, (because there was no physical contact). I am so angry, hurt, disgusted and I can't seem to move on. I feel lucky that my H has never wanted to leave me, loves me, but what's my problem? Someone said it sounds like I want out of the marriage. I love my H, but I'm hurting. Can you help me before I destroy - sabotage my marriage for good? Thank you.

What exactly do you mean by "telephone affair". Not to get gruesome, but detail might help us give more appropriate advice/suggestions. I know hurt similar to what you are feeling, but I know that no matter how much I hurt I love my husband too much to give up on our marriage. However, if your husband shows no understanding whatsoever and you two haven't talked out the situation completely, the healing process will be much more difficult if even possible.

My question is....and maybe this is too obvious...but why does he say he loves you, but he talks to this other woman to build up his 'precious male ego?' Isn't that supposed to be your job?<p>Just my thought...

I very seldom post, but I had to respond to your post. I feel like it doesn't matter what kind of affair they have....it hurts so bad. I think my husband had an emotional affair (that included talking on the phone). This hurt and still does it has been over 2 years and yes it still hurts when I think of it. My marriage is healing still and will probably never be the same as before all of this came out. I finally had to come to a point a in my life where I had to choose do I want my marriage or do I want a divorce? I opted for my marriage and it is not an easy road, but I love my hubby and I a hoping our marriage lasts for years to come. Please hang in there. There are many people on this site that have wonderful advice and are here for you.

By a phone affair I mean he was calling the OW 2 times a day and talking to her for 2-3 minutes at a time without my knowledge. He even called her on the weekends! No, I was not boosting his precious male ego. If anything, I had proably deflated his ego. My husband is a complusive person. He will do things without thinking out the consequences. He will buy things, and then worry later how we are going to pay. He has never done anything this stupid before. And the whole thing does not even "feel" like him. The OW was telling him he must be working out that he was getting into shape, he was looking good, and he sucked all this up even when he was wearing sweatshirts and coats to work and she couldn't possibly see any "muscles". The main thing that really bothers me is, the OW is very heavy and would be someone my H would normally ridicule.
Also my H and I found out that she had lied from the start to him about her name. Why would she do that? I do love my husband, but I would think if you are going to step out on your marriage, wouldn't be for a slimmer, prettier, woman?

Not necessarily...I myself am 'thin-challenged' and have never had a problem finding men. And I mean I am fat! Once someone gets to know you, it moves past the physical looks and on to the person you are.---A stroked ego doesn't have eyes and doesn't want to. It just wants to be petted.<p>I understand what you're saying but it seems that you think somewhere in you that he did this because you weren't pleasing to him. He actually did it because she was more pleasing--emotionally. Take this off you and put it on him. He did this and while some of his emotional needs maybe were not met the way he wanted, that's no excuse. <p>It just feels so good when somebody admires your attributes without complaining about your stinky feet. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

im just curious here...how did he meet her? was she one of those 900 number people? <p>they had to have met somehow to move onto the phone...was it the internet? <p>if it WAS the internet i would watch his activity there pretty carefully...

My H is a delivery man to grocery stores. In his business he is nice to all people, years ago I told him that his niceness would get him into trouble. Anyhow she works at one of the stores. He told me she was flirting with him for months, and after his birthday, he opened the door. He said she repeatedly gave him her cell phone number in case he wanted to talk, and up until after his birthday he never called. I realize that he was having a down time, and what makes me furious is that he thought his talking to her was wrong, but harmless. He says it had nothing to do with her, it was the excitement the thrill and then the thrill wore off. And at that point, because he had to be in that store everyday, he didn't want to have any hard feelings between her. My H is always worrying and doing everything possible to make people like him, unfortunately, since I'm the wife and a part of him, my wishes and feelings were often pushed aside. Anyhow, to make a long story short, she wouldn't leave him alone, so he transferred to a different job. There has been no contact for 10 months, and at this point, I thinking I'm getting better, you know my girlfriend told me grow up. What he did wasn't that bad! I know it wasn't physical, maybe for him only an ego boost, but the OW thought it was sooooo much more. I do feel for her, because when he told her he loved me and wanted nothing to jeopardize our marriage and he couldn't talk to her anymore, she acted like hurt.