How do you contain your emotions when they can be so overwhelming? I am with someone who is owning up to his mistake, has initiated counseling, has tolerated & supported me through my crying, my silence, my screaming, and who has confessed to his lies while providing me with most any information that I request. I have all of the reasons to go forward and forgive him; my problem is that although one day (hour, minute) I am convinced this will be difficult yet am willing to forgive and move on; the next day (hour, minute) I am feeling traumatized, helpless, furious, veangeful - all of the over-the-top emotions. I scream and cry and verbally abuse my H until he loses composure also. I know that if this does not stop, we will separate if not for the infidelity, for the conflicts, mood swings, character attacks, etc. I am aware that even a person who has created this situation can only take so much punishment. I want this to work, but I can't deal with my emotions. Please offer suggestions. Thanks.

Ms.Ery - Hi. I'm not sure I have the answers to your concerns, but your post spoke to me and I wanted to reply.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>How do you contain your emotions when they can be so overwhelming? <hr></blockquote><p> This is the heart of the matter. Many wrestle w this. It seems the thing to do is NOT contain,but to FEEL what you are feeling.<p> Now, you need to learn to manage your responses. And to learn effective tools for communication. I would suggest some personal counselling to help you deal with your issues.<p> When a connection is damaged, many focus on the spouse, on the relationship. The solution lies WITHIN! Understanding yourself, and better ways to communicate how you feel. You can express yourself in ways that strenthen a connection. <p> It will take time.<p> It will take effort ( lots)!<p> You will need to understand that a condition that invites infidelity is created by both partners. Usually it is a function of poor communication. What you see are the symptoms of that poor communication.<p>
Work on you!
That is the key!<p> Now for the disclaimer; my life is a mess so take my advice w some salt.

Have you considered individual counseling for yourself? Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone who is dispassionate with whom you can speak freely.<p>I think you will find these are all normal responses but you do have to learn how to deal with them. Think about the counseling.

I am not sure that I have any words of wisdom but I can tell you what I do to help me, as I too have been horrid to my H because of my lingering hurt/anger.<p>I have found that when I employ an attitude of gratitude; being grateful that we are back together, that he loves me, that he truly understands that he hurt me, and that I am lucky to have my love back in my life, then I can let go of the screaming meanies. When I let myself stop being grateful, the nasty actions return. <p>As the others suggested, therapy is an option, but remember, therapy without any actions on your part is no more productive than whining to your bartender or hairdresser. The work has to happen with you and that can be done with or without a therapist.<p>Good luck!!!

Hi, YOur anger speaks to me. I am angry and hurt and losing it at my H for the way he has treated me has driven him further away. <p>Work on you. I know he does things that make you feel bad and upset BUT you can control you... do not drive him farther away with your anger... find other things to do when you are angry.<p>
walk around the blci, take a deep breath, write in a journal, take an antidepressant... etc... these are ways I have dealt with and am dealing with my angry times... it is hard.. my H won't take it anymore.... <p>I am tired of all the pain, so tired... my H is not being as loving as yours... you are lucky....My H is turning around everything to be my fault... because of my anger, temper... his A and drinking problem seems to not even exist... WOW, what a problem... but I still want the chance to restore my marriage... and would like to work on it.. I need him to care more, and it will not happen if I rage at him...<p>Therapy and working on you will help you with this... walk around the block, count to ten... have a plan of action for when you feel angry... all of these things help me.. I have to remain calm and calmly discuss problems or my marriage will never be restored... <p>Be grateful and maybe make a gratitude list!<p>Good luck, hope some of my thoughts help!<p>lisa