IVE GOT 1 LAST CHANCE TO WIN MY WIFE BACK. HERES THE CATCH. I HAVE A TEMPER PROBLEM . IM STARTING ANGER MANAGEMENT AND COUNSLEING NEXT WEEK . THIS WAS MY DECISION TO DO THIS. THE REASON ITS THE LAST CHANCE IS BECAUSE IVE PRETTY MUCH HAD HER BACK BEFORE AND BLEW IT . I LOST MY TEMPER.SHE SAYS THINGS TO ME THAT PROVOKES MY OUTBURST, MY HURT , MY ANGER , MY CONFUSION. IT SEEMS SHE DELIBERATLY DOES THIS . SHES VERY CARELESS AS TO THE WAY SHE ACTS AND WHAT SHE SAYS TO ME THEN I GET ANGRY AND HAVE AN OUT BURST THEN I SUFFER FOR WHAT SHE STARTS AND I FINISH. IT SEEMS SHE CAN BE AN [censored] BUT I HAVE TO BE PERFECT ITS NOT FAIR BUT I FIGURE IF I CAN GET US INTO MARRIAGE COUNSLING LATER DOWN THE ROAD SHE WILL SEE HOW SHE HAS BEEN UNFAIR AND MANIPULITIVE. BUT I HAVE TO KNOW HOW NOT TO REACT ???? I TELL MYSELF I WONT !!! BUT I CANT CONTROL MY ANGER AND AFTER AWHILE I LOSE IT TIME AFTER TIME I LOSE IT . I TRY NOT TO BUT THEN I BECOME FRUSTRATED AND FEELING SHES BEING UNFAIR TO ME I TRY TO PROVE MY POINT . THEN SHE DOESNT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AND GETS MAD AT ME FOR ASKING HER WHY SHE HAS DONE THIS ??? THEN I BLOW UP AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED AGAIN. IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS I SURE WOULD APPRECIATE IT BECAUSE IM AFRAID IF IM NOT VERY VERY CAREFULL I WILL LOSE MY TEMPER AGAIN . SHES ALREADY SAID THINGS THAT I THINK WHERE ON PURPOSE TO MAKE ME ANGRY ,HURT , AND JEOULES. HELP

Hi, we sound like kindred spirits... I too am working on my anger at my spouse... it is hard to deal with and I am certainly willing to work on my part... right now I am trying to convince my spouse to work on his part... he minimizes his part... and he maximizes my part.
It is hard when you have a spouse who is not committed to the marriage or working things out.<p>I have gotten my spouse to agree to some counseling.... we will see if we actually get to the appt. He has cheated on me, been a drunk, etc. etc... and he is just blaming and blaming me for everything... fortunately I have improved me, and I have gotten better vover the yrs... he cannot blame me as he has done in the past....<p>I am sooo sick over all this blame..<p>Anyway plan aing has done the best for getting spouse to go to couseling the more I show him love , concern and care... although at times I feel like a doormat... he seems to want to try... <p>So my advice is show love and concern... and try to be the bigger person... Have you read Dr. Harleys books yet... I do not know if there has been an affair... but that is my case... How to survive an affair... but there is another book, His Needs her needs, I really like that one.<p>Read all you can on this site.. read about the policy of joint agreement... maybe your spouse can start to look at this site too, suggest it if you feel you are ready to let your spouse in on this forum and you are open to your spouse reading your posts, possibly... if you need private support keep it to yourself for now.<p>If you are a christian, pray... there are some other sites out there, search under restore marriage... that is a good one...<p>Anyway, sounds like you are on the right track to controlling your actions, the only ones you can control! Work on you, treat her right, and see if that starts to heal things... she will have to decide what she is going to do... Let God get you through the loneliness.... work on you. YOu may actually rediscover yourself and what you enjoy about being YOU all by yourself. <p>I am starting to use this time that I did not want alone.... to work on me. I am starting to enjoy time alone with me.<p>HOpe this helps, feel free to right me for support... I could use an anger management buddy! lisaannsmail@yahoo.com<p>thanks , take a deep breath and take care of you!<p>lisa<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi, we sound like kindred spirits... I too am working on my anger at my spouse... it is hard to deal with and I am certainly willing to work on my part... right now I am trying to convince my spouse to work on his part... he minimizes his part... and he maximizes my part.
It is hard when you have a spouse who is not committed to the marriage or working things out.<p>I have gotten my spouse to agree to some counseling.... we will see if we actually get to the appt. He has cheated on me, been a drunk, etc. etc... and he is just blaming and blaming me for everything... fortunately I have improved me, and I have gotten better vover the yrs... he cannot blame me as he has done in the past....<p>I am sooo sick over all this blame..<p>Anyway plan aing has done the best for getting spouse to go to couseling the more I show him love , concern and care... although at times I feel like a doormat... he seems to want to try... <p>So my advice is show love and concern... and try to be the bigger person... Have you read Dr. Harleys books yet... I do not know if there has been an affair... but that is my case... How to survive an affair... but there is another book, His Needs her needs, I really like that one.<p>Read all you can on this site.. read about the policy of joint agreement... maybe your spouse can start to look at this site too, suggest it if you feel you are ready to let your spouse in on this forum and you are open to your spouse reading your posts, possibly... if you need private support keep it to yourself for now.<p>If you are a christian, pray... there are some other sites out there, search under restore marriage... that is a good one...<p>Anyway, sounds like you are on the right track to controlling your actions, the only ones you can control! Work on you, treat her right, and see if that starts to heal things... she will have to decide what she is going to do... Let God get you through the loneliness.... work on you. YOu may actually rediscover yourself and what you enjoy about being YOU all by yourself. <p>I am starting to use this time that I did not want alone.... to work on me. I am starting to enjoy time alone with me.<p>HOpe this helps, feel free to right me for support... I could use an anger management buddy! lisaannsmail@yahoo.com<p>thanks , take a deep breath and take care of you!<p>lisa<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Shep4short, I now noticed-remembered I could offer you some advice for calming down when you are about to lose it!<p>1. Try possibly getting on an antidepressent... I am currently on effexor and really like it, it seems to take the edge off and calm me down. Maybe even something like a tricyclic drug.. this is something like a valium.... for when things go over the edge... You may not believe or want to be on a drug... but it has helped me tremendously.<p>2. Try having an action plan for what you will do when you get upset... For example.. going to another room... go for a walk around the block, even leave the house and go for a drive... go dig in the weeds, gardening... a hobby you can turn to... something... journaling has worked for me too. <p>3. Seek the support of boards like this, make friends you can talk it out with. Being heard diffuses your anger. Ask your couselor if there are any support groups you can go to in your area... having face to face friends or friends you can talk to on the phone helps a lot.<p>4. Take a deep breath when the anger comes on... make yourself a promise that you will not do things you are doing that you do not like.... You can control YOU! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>5. I have a list around here somewhere of how to control and minimize anger... there is also a post that AD wrote to me on Anger Management today where he reccomended tons of good books, it is in the divorcing section.. under the title the blame game... you may want to ck it out... I will look for my little list that a therapist gave me maybe it will help you too.<p>Email me if you like, I am here struggling thru the same things. My H left and says he is afraid of me and my anger.. this is all hyped up I think... and he is trying to reflect his quilt for cheating onto me ... but I do have to deal with the fact that he is angry at me and not close to me because of how I have blown up when angry... I do have this problem.<p>YOu are a good person , do not forget it, list out your positive qualities and remind yourself of that right now... I know it can really make you feel bad when someone you love is so upset with you for your temper.. that you lost only because of your intense feelings for that person, and now your anger has pushed them away... it is a hard thing to deal with. <p>I hope this helps! lisa [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]