I have been with my hubby for three years and we just got married last month. He did not want children, I did. I have not been on birth control, he has not used any either. Low and behold after the honeymoon, guess whose pregnant. He is upset and placing all the blame on me. It is both of our faults, but he is angry at me. He thinks I am being selfish because I do not want to subject myself emotionally or physically to an abortion. I have tried talking to him about his reasons for not wanting it and I get the usual money argument mostly. He also thinks child rearing ideas are too different. I have 3 children from a previous relationship that he feels should have been raised "different". This is tearing our relationship apart and my bank is getting near empty from the treatment I have been getting. How do I make him happy? I just can't have an abortion.

It's not about making him happy. He could have used birth control too if he didn't want a child, but now there is someone else to think of. You also need to do what you think is best, not what he wants. Your options are keep the baby, give it up for adoption or have an abortion. From your note I gather that having an abortion would kill you mentally and would be something you regret and hold against him. Take some time to think this thru. It is not his choice.

Why did you marry a man who wanted no children when you knew you did?<p>How old are your other children?

I never knew how strongly he felt about it because he had waivered on the idea before. Having a child was not something that I had to have so it was never really an issue. I wanted a child with him, but it wasn't like I was going to be upset if I didn't get to have one. My other children are 11, 9, and 4. He has a daughter who lives 12 hours away. We argue almost daily and I suspect he will next go outside our relationship..for what I do not know exactly, but I know him well and see changes in his behavior. Adoption and Abortion is out of the question, but where does that leave me and the child if he is upset enough about this to leave.

Look, I was married to the same guy, different face. He got mad at me because when I thought I was ill and visited the doc, I came out without the codene pills he'd wanted me to get for him, he even went so far as to accuse me of pretending to be preggers in order to avoid getting him his pills. He was an addict but at the time I didn't realize it because of lack of life-experience. He tried to get me to abort, and when I didn't, he tried to set up an adoption. He made me so miserable I tried to hide my pregnancy by losing weight so he wouldn't notice my belly and start up on my about it. I finally was forced to leave. And you know what? My son and daughter and I are doing fine! Don't subject yourself to that kind of treatment, lay it on the line, he could have used something or gotten "fixed" if he was so against kids, he is immature and self centered and doesn't take responsibility for his own responsibilities! Make him, or leave him alone. Sorry, sounds rough, but it's true. Visit http://navigation.helper.realnames....id=1&providerid=112&uid=17532855 for info.

He is responsible. He just does not want this responsibility. He is definitely selfish. It just angers me that he said these vows not even a month ago and instead of trying to get through this together and do what needs to be done, he is being cruel. Like I did something to him. And you are right he should have gotten fixed like he said or at least wore a condom. I made it clear that I was not going to use any birth control. Last night things got so bad I told him he could leave. I don't need that kind of stress. I have enough just being pregnant.

Ditto to everything elses that has been said! Why is it just up to the woman to be 'safe'? If he didn't want any children he should never have made love to you. Does he not understand that there is NO 100% form of birth control except just not doing it?<p>If you are going to play with fire.....<p>If he has been with you for over three years and he is going to throw a fit over your getting pregnant, then he must have just wanted you for your body and for sex....where is the love here?<p>Da*n right he is being selfish. And then he has the call to ask you to have an abortion. What an arrogant SOB this guy is.<p>You stand up to him and you tell him where to go! In this case it has to be your way or the hiway! This is not a topic for discussion....the baby stays, if he doesn't like, he can pack his clothes and hit the road!<p>Just my two cents.

Thanks everyone. It is nice to have someone just to even listen. The kid definitely stays. I just don't know how I will get through this pregnancy living with Mr. Miserable. I just never thought that after being married a month I would be faced with throwing my husband out of my life. I thought there would always be a way to work things out otherwise I would have never gotten married. Naive me I guess.