I've been married almost five years. Every year or so we have argued about the same things, and thought about breaking up, and then we usually come to an agremeent that solves the problems and life gets back to normal.<p>Three months ago my husband announced that he was unhappy with our marriage and was seriously thinking about getting a divorce. <p>We eventually made a list of our problems with one another and proposed how to fix them. I've been working very hard on my list, but my husband is ignoring his. He says he's uninterested in saving our marriage now and he wants to seperate. He has refused to see a counselor in the past, but this week he finally agreed, although he says it won't work.<p>The problem is he is so withdrawn, he won't allow me to talk to him without getting angry. He hardly answers when talk to him. We have tried organizing date nights to keep the relationship going, and while they seem successful at the time, he usually says they are boring the next day. I feel like he's given up on our marriage, and I don't know what I can do to gain his interest again.

I don't want your post to go with out a reply. I can suggest two things:<p>1. Plan A, read about it on this website. It is a simple concept that can be hard to put into effect.<p>2. Try posting on the 'Emotional Needs' section. There is a lot more action there - you are more likely to get answers there. The topic of a withdrawn spouse comes up often.<p>You are not alone, there are some good ideas here ready for you to use to make your marriage all you want (and know it can...) be.

I am also in a similar position, me and my husband have been together 10 year and the last 3 married. We have seeked counseling but it wasn't helpful (on the counselor side). The counselor was not professional at all and made sacarasm jokes regarding our marriage. Now my husband wants to separate, but financially unable to leave. So I printed out the Love Buster and EMotional Needs survey. My husband told me last night that he has numb feelings towards our marriage because we have had these problems for so long. So if you find out any ideas please share and I will do the same.

my husband is having a hard time trying as well because he says our problems have lasted so long. i'm going to post this on the emotional needs section in hopes of more replies.

You work that counseling, baby. I don't think he's completely shut himself off or he wouldn't go to counseling. Perhaps once you are there and are talking, he will open up and discuss as well. The counselor is sure to try to include him and I think he will respond just not to be rude, if for no other reason. <p>I wonder if your H is something like mine and feels that showing enthusiasm (re the date night was boring) is 'embarrassing'. I had to tell H yesterday that sometimes I would like him to be enthusiastic, told him how pleased it made my heart to hear him singing the last few days (even though he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!). <p>Will he do the EN quiz? I did it and it helped me identify what I want and also made me think about the needs I 'think' my H has that maybe I need to work on--more affection, more conversation, etc.

It is reassuring to know that I'm not alone. I've been with my fiance for 2 years, cohabiting for the past 9 months. Living together has been a stressful experience and he frequently complains that I do not understand him or his needs. He seems to find it hard to talk when he's unhappy, he tends to let his tension build and explode finally over seemingly trivial issues. This is my biggest problem with him.<p>I recently stumbled on this website by accident and have read many articles and even printed the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. At the time I did that we were in the middle of a crisis. Like many others before it it didn't get resolved because yours truly didn't want to talk. I left it for 2 days and tried to make peace yesterday only to be told he wasn't interested in anything I had to say.<p>I'm at a loss for what to do. Desperately seeking advice from more experienced souls (I'm only 23).