Well, I've been married to my wife for five years now. We've been together for seven. We've always had stressors in our life, but nothing we couldn't work through. We have a five year old boy. About a month ago she told me that she thought our marriage was over. I was blown away by this comment and I've been panicking since then. I have a problem controlling my temper, I've never hit her!! But I have thrown things and raise my voice to get what I want. I had an outburst shortly before she told me that she wanted to leave, she said that she's scared of me. Of what I'll do when I get mad. I've since started anger management counseling. She is being very hurtful and mean. She has basically blamed me for ruining the marriage, said that there were problems all along, but my outburst was the final straw. Even though she has hurt me very deeply, I want her back more than anything in this world. I want the three of us to be a family. She won't talk to me about this, she say's the more I talk to her about it the further I push her away. She said she was moving out, but here a month later she is still in the house. I don't get it? I'm confused and hurt. I've explained to her over and over that I would turn my world upside down for her, but she say's she doesn't believe me. But I can't even get the chance to prove to her. I would think that if somebody told me all the things I've told her, that I would take them back in a heart beat. She say's she needs time and space, no pressure from me. I can't help it!! I feel if I stop trying then I've given up. I guess my only hope and prayer is that when she's out on her own she realizes what she is losing. I want her back...

I know you are hurting now but I can understand how your W feels as well. For the first two years we were married, my H was very destructive--loud angry outbursts accompanied with some type of destruction of our home. One time, it was food and dishes thrown all over the kitchen--was on my knees until 4am cleaning up broken glass and dried food. More holes in the wall that I could count. He put his foot thru the car window after I refused to let him drive drunk. Said the meanest damn things he could think of just to hurt me. After two years, I had enough. I asked him to leave. <p>Of course, each time he was sorry and begged me not to leave and I relented but lived in constant apprehension about the next time. He never touched me but once begged me to stand up so he could knock me down. Scary stuff when you know that a man is so much stronger than you. I know that he could easily put me (and I ain't no shrinking violet, honey) in the hospital/morgue without breaking a sweat. I guess what I mean is he never did the same 'fit' twice but there was a new, exciting rage everytime he got mad. It scares you and makes it impossible to trust him.<p>I think it's wonderful that you have gone for anger management help--that's a great step in the right direction--not just for your marriage but your whole life. Please read the thread 'my wife is in withdrawal' by Gibby1 on the 'Other Topics' board. I feel that most of what I said there applies to this situation as well---compulsive gambling, alcoholism, rage-aholism--they all tear away at the foundation of trust in a marriage and it takes time and patience to re-build them. All you can do is show her each day that you are committed to learning how to control your outbursts and that you love her. I think there is still a chance because she is still there a month after she said she is leaving...unless she's there because she can't afford to leave. And even if it is money holding her, that still gives you the opportunity to show her that you are trying to change your behavior. She's bound to notice.<p>Let me know how it's going.

Oh, forgot to finish the story:<p>He has changed his behavior dramatically since then and we are still together...so we know it can be done. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Light bulb, you have to really, really want to change and I feel that you do. Sometimes we just need a loud wake up call.<p>H has not destroyed one thing since he left and came back. If he gets so angry he can't do anything else, he goes for a walk to cool off. We have even gotten to the point where we can rationally make some ground rules for 'discussion' and table it if things get too heated. He did it and so can you!<p>See, there is hope...just keep working at it.

Thanks for the info Dallas. I'm trying to come to grips with the situation, I just have to remember that it's gonna take time. I have to have patience, but it's hard. I guess I can only take it day by day. She's moving out within the next week. That's hard!! I have a lot of guilt. I pray to god everyday that she'll come back, but his timing is different than ours. So, I guess we'll see. I love my wife more than anything in this world, but right now she can't or doesn't want to see that. I have "killed her with kindness" but that hasn't made a difference. I don't know what to do...

you're doing the right things...keep on being kind and loving and just show her you are trying to change.<p>Smart you are...who knows but God how His clock runs compared to ours? Our lives are probably not even a blink, ya know. <p>Be strong...come here and talk to us.<p>If you need to talk, email me at franklymydear59@yahoo.com...always there to listen.

Hey Sabby! Got basicly the same thing in my house. My thing was bad mood swings. I'm doing councelling and meds. W told me she'd have left long ago if she'd had the money. So I use her poverty against her to keep her here to show I can and have changed and that I love her. Not that we don't have setbacks. Do we ever! But she's still here and I'm still trying. I know she'd miss me if she left but I don't know if it'd be enough to bring her back. My fear is she'd find an OM to support her & our 3 boys. Be hard to do in this area. Thank God. One thing I pray daily is that ALL men will find her repulsive and that God will turn her heart towards Him. There's a lot of people here who know all to well what you're pain and suffering is (and mine too). And they are a great help. Diddallas should write a book! Surf this board and read her other posts.

Jerry,
That's funny! I never thought of praying for that--but then again, if any other women had to live with my H, they would find him repulsive soon enough. And rotsa ruck to ANY woman finding a guy who will support three kids that aren't theirs! Not likely! <p>And, dear heart, diddallas has written a book--two and a half, in fact--she just can't get them published!