HI GOING THRO BAD TIME MUST BE THE SEASON OF GOODWILL APPROACHING, TRYING TO GO DARK ON WAW H WHO NOW LIVES WITH OW,(9MTHS NOW) H HAS NO CONTACT WITH GROWN-UP KIDS. ONLY POSTS A MTHLY CHEQUE TO ME WITH BRIEF NOTE- USUALLY ENDS "SPEAK TO YOU SOON", EXCEPT HE DOESN,T HE HAS RECENTLY GOT A SOLICITOR WHO CONTACTS MINE WITH Q;S REGARDING MAINTENANCE,HOUSE SALE ETC. I HAVE BEEN GATHERING THE INFO THEY REQ, DO NOT WANT TO SELL MY HOME BUT NOT POSS TO KEEP IT. MY QUESTION IS IF WE HAVE NO CONTACT HOW WILL H KNOW I AM MOVING ON, ETC. AND SHOULD I JUST MAKE CONTACT RE HOUSE ETC. ORIGINALLY WANTED TO HELP ME FIND A NEW HOME ONE I FELT HAPPY TO LIVE IN, NOW JUST NOTHING EXCEPT SOLICITORS' LETTERS. REALLY REALLY WANT TO CALL EVEN IF ITS JUST TO HEAR HIS VOICE, HOW DO I KNOW IF HE REGRETS WHAT HE;S DONE OR IS HAPPY ETC. WILL BE OUR 2ND C,MAS APART IN 40YRS,,,,ALMOST DIDN,T MAKE IT THRO THE FIRST ONE BUT FEELING STRONGER THIS YR. MY D IS HAVING ME AND HER BROTHERS TO STAY FOR A FEW DAYS. SHOULD I CALL SEND A CARD WHAT ALL YOU WHO HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE IT, HELP SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN GOING ON 4EVER! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ December 12, 2001: Message edited by: naej ]</p>

I'm sorry but I don't get the feeling that you *are* moving on...I feel that you are clinging to a hope of reconciliation. Sweetie, you've got to pull yourself together and stop living for him. <p>And why do you wait for him to call--it's obvious he has lied to you...some little scribble on a check means nothing. He is lost in the fog now, oblivious to what is going on around you.<p>Time to start thinking about what has to be done. I'm sure you don't want to leave your house but maybe it's time to start over somewhere fresh. With no memories. And if he tells you he regrets what he's done, how will that help unless he is willing to recommit to the marriage? Talk is cheap. I can say I'm sorry all day but if I don't seem sorry, how does it help? Will it help to know if he's happy? HOw? <p>I think it's time to ask yourself what do you want?

Guess you are right but I thought we all hoped for a reconcilliation. I really am tryimg to move on--perhaps I;m just going sideways I am a Cancerian. H is a Cap. Do u think its time for a Dobson letter? worded delicately I def. DO NoT WANT to push him into OW clutches any further. No contact has been so hard esp when we spoke everyday for nearly 35 yrs, Not as strong as so many of you good people can,t still beleive H knows what he has REALLY done, to me and his kids. Perhaps if Kids appoached him then at least he might remember them and it would keep a door open. Bad idea I hear u say. living in limbo land I know its me who has to take that step Just frightened to close all doors, still hurtin and hoping. Do others think the same??????Draft letter would be useful Thanks again for listening, No site like this UK that I have found anyway.^up<p>[ December 16, 2001: Message edited by: naej ]</p>