After some time my wife agreed on Marriage counseling....but...<p>The thing is that she only wants to go for Counseling AFTER we (by ourselves / independently) go for phsychological therapy in order to resolve any baggage carried from our childhood. <p>In other words, she did agree to counseling but ONLY AFTER we find/solve our childhood problems (that could take a long time!). <p>For the time being we are getting separated since she literally forced me out. (To read the whole story check my previous postings)<p>I do believe that marriage counseling should start as soon as possible in order to recover our love for each other.<p>I really need help in order to find out the right thing to do and how to handle it. The last thing I want is to have a struggle/love buster (since she strongly opposes to counseling before therapy)<p>Any ideas??<p>D.

Separate counseling is a wonderful thing. My H and I started joint counseling but soon realized that there were issues that we needed to work on by ourselves. We spent about 4 months of separate and have recently restarted joint.<p>The joint sessions are now going alot smoother than before because we have grown inside. <p>Don't thing that your wife is trying to hide from you or keep you out. Give her the space that you both need.

Both my FWH and I started with individual counseling, My C recommended that we have at least a month of IC first before starting MC together. I believe that this helped us. I was able to get a bit of a handle on my feelings of betrayal and anger, while my H was able to start examining his baggage from childhood (of which he has a lot!) that brought him to this point in his life. <p>We started with one MC while my H was still in a major fog, was still unsure of staying or going, believed himself to be truly in love w/ OW. We ended up switching MC, I can't tell you if the 1st one would have been a good one ultimately for both of us, I think we got started too soon while H was in crazy fog. <p>So my advice is give it a bit of time, plan A like crazy and work on YOUR issues for a bit first. Don't be afraid to find a C that is a better fit for you and the both of you if you need to. Finding a C that will be dedicated to helping you get your marriage on track can be difficult, Our 1st MC told my H he had to move out! Boy was I mad about that! Isn't that OUR decision? So be careful. Hope this helps. firefly