My W and I have been married for almost 8 years and for the most part it has been wonderful. She is the youngest of 6 and comes from a very loving family. I am also the youngest of 6 but my upbringing was a bit of a disaster (mom was an abuser, emotional and physical, and dad allowed it to continue). My W and I met in college in '91 as musicians. We opened up to each other as very good friends realizing even then that we were meant to be together. I had some trouble with expressing myself about how I felt about my childhood. It took more than I ever could have imagined at the time to be able to get it out. I feel I betrayed my wifes trust when I refused to get some help about 6 years ago because I think that it may be the root of current problems.
There were some things that have happened in our life that may not seem to be any different from other peoples lives (lost promotions, lost jobs, financial problems, bankrupcy) and I allowed them to get to me so much I slipped into a deep depression. I lost touch with reality and my W caught the blunt end of it. One night, we got into a fight over trust and I tried to take her bag away from her. I ended up putting fingertip size bruises on her arm and she took a few punches on me.
we seperated for a short period and I even ended up sleeping in my car a few nights since there was nowhere for me to stay. The seperation is probably the best thing that has happened because I know now, more than ever, what I have to do to make sure that we don't find ourselves going through the same patterns. I have been trying to get her to open up to me and let me know where she is mentally but to no avail. I've left town for a couple of weekends to give her some space but that hasn't worked either. If I'm not staying busy with something else, I'm trying to talk to her about us. I know I'm probably not making much sense but it's been very difficult having patience to allow her to heal. Any questions? Any tips? Help me save my marriage.

Have you started counselling? What do you mean by saying that the separation was the best thing that could have happened for you? Do you think you sorted all your problems out without any outside help? Depression is a pretty serious illness, as you probably know by now...<p>Your wife may not believe that you can sort your problems out on your own. If trust is an issue, you have to find out WHY she doesn't trust you. Just saying it's all better doesn't make it all better.

I've been in counciling myself for about a year for another condition I have (ADHD) as well as depression. We have been to a councilor once and we were given a tool for communicating. I tried to use it with my W a number of times but she never did. I know I'm not supposed to use never as a term but it's true.
The reason why I think the separation was good is because it allowed me to do some soul searching and realize what I really want in my life. I've been studying the Marriage Builders website and have gained a lot of knowledge on how to resolve conflicts. I've tried to get my W to do the same and she has not made any attempt yet.
we are going to a councilor together next week so we can get an unbiased opinion. The only people I've been able to talk to about all this are some family members on my Ws side. I cant trust anyone in my family too much. Since they are her family members, they are torn and are not sure what to do or say because my W feels one way and I feel another way.
She is talking about me moving out again but this time it would be to a place on my own while she tries to figure things out in her head. I've tried to help her by letting her know how I've been able to help myself be above the past and try to move on and that she has the ability to do the same. She says I'm smothering her and not allowing her to do it on her own. She has told me that my intentions are good but to get out of her face. I've sincirely tried but sometimes she opens up the door to talking about it and I begin trying to help her again. I hope and pray that counciling will help her with her healing and me with my persisitence. I think I am trying too hard to help her see the light. She is a very smart person and I know that if she just tried a little bit then we can begin building the trust back.