my wife of 7 yrs had a mistake that involved sex with a couple and then with just him. she was binge drinking, mixing with perscription drugs, battling depression, and believing lies this woman and man told her. she did not come to me and hid this to my suprise. she is now rightly seeing a shrink, taking right meds, and not drinking alcohol. this happened a month ago and I am still having trouble accepting what she did. she said she did not love them and does not know why she did it. she didnt think i loved her and was numb everytime sex happened with them. she also says how disgusted she was with them, and him and not attracted. also said i was better, etc. how do i believe her now??? i feel like she is just saying those things to make it easier for me. I find it hard to believe we are still soulmates after this happened. before last month the last 8 years have been great. she completed me and I her. we were best friends and completely in love. does one month kill 8 years and a true love??? but i THINK I still love her, and think she loves me. If we are soulmates how could this have happened?? Is it better that she was not herself that month that this all transpired??? I am just looking for some answers and she cannot give me all of the ones I want. like if she loved me or our children why do that?? she says "I don't know, i didnt think about anyone, didnt care about anything, and was suicidal". does this make the affair less devasatating??? does it make it less wrong compared to planning it????? I just want to know if me trying is stupid, and if i am loving a woman who does not return the love, or should i stand by her side to help her recover from any mental illness she may have. also how do i get the mental image out of my head of my wife and another man??? its killing me.
thanks for reading this, and any help would be appreciated.<p>[ January 12, 2002: Message edited by: woody23 ]</p>

woody23 --<p>Welcome to MB. You're in the right place to receive a lot of what you will need to help you through this. I'm very sorry that you're here but glad that you've found us--it's a good place to be.<p>I see that this is your first post to us and it's a very sad one to read. I know you're hurting with this. It's very hard to get through but you will get through it and we are here for you.<p>I hear your confusion and know your feelings of betrayal. Almost all of the many people here are hurting and some have been exactly where you are, some may still be right along with you. You'll get some excellent and sensitive suggestions and advice and maybe even some answers here.<p>If you haven't already, browse through the site and read everything you can. Especially read the material for "new members" soon.<p>I believe that the fact that your wife was "not herself" for all the reason you mention is a mitigating circumstance. Not an excuse or a reason but certainly contributing factors. Besides, if it makes you feel better to think of things that way for now, do it. <p>You trying to hold things together for your family and your marriage is NOT stupid; in fact, I think it's the smart thing to do. True love doesn't ask anything in return but is freely given without reservation. In other words, I support you standing by her through any possible mental illness whether or not she is capable at this time of returning your love. It's the right thing to do and it is done out of love. <p>Remember your solid investment of an eight-year marriage before you allow the One Month of Pain to obliterate the good. Of course it's hard, horribly difficult to try to erase your images, but you will be able to do it. Give yourself time and be patient with her and yourself. You've just been dealt a tremendous blow that has shaken you to your very core. Give yourself time and room to recover from the shock of this massive injury. Many of us have been where you are and know the intense pain you're feeling. As time goes on, those terrible pictures will begin to fade as you begin to recover and heal. <p>Please post again and let us know how you're doing. We can share this with you and do all we can to help you to get through it. Peace and Blessings and Thoughts and Prayers to you...<p>Ammon

Ammon, Glad that you have found this site. So many here are hurting but willing to take the time to reach out and connect. Your W has dealt you a horrible blow that will take a lot of time to sink in. I would suggest that you also post on Emotional Needs and General Questions. Those boards seem to be a lot more active and so many people can offer advice or just a hug! My prayers to you in dealing with this, Ladysing

Sorry Woody, I mistakenly addressed you as Ammon.

Woody, As you can see, this board does not get much action. Please post on Emotional Needs, General Questions or Just Found Out. There are people out there who know how you feel! Ladysing