I really need some advice on what to do? The man that I am engaged to has a female friend at work that I seem to be extremely jealous of and it causes major problems. Before we started going out I always thought that my fiance and this friend were a couple. That's how much they were together. When I finally met my fiance I found out that she was alreay married and that they were just good friends. When we started dating and would take breaks together and lunches together she got upset because she had lost her friend for breaks and lunches. During the time that we were dating I didn't really get upset about their friendship. I wasn't very fond of it but, I was only dating the guy. Now we have been engaged for quite sometime and we now work in different offices so they are now back to taking all their breaks together and going to lunch when I am not working. Now the green eyed monster has come out on numerous occasions and he just doesn't seem to care. Which in turn makes it worse that he knows that it bothers me and he still continues to do it. The kicker to this whole thing is that me and the friend look so much alike that people don't know us apart. People constantly think that she is me. Please give me any ideas, thought, prayers, or suggestions. I don't want this relationship to end... we have so much time invested but I don't want to divorce again either. Maybe I am looking at this whole situation wrong by thinking that he shouldn't be so personal with her but, I don't have male friends that I go to lunch with or take all my breaks with. Anytime that I have a business meeting and it requires lunch and any of my male friends are present he is angry for a while.

wendymarie --<p>I smell trouble brewing. You are absolutely right to be concerned about this other relationship, and it's good you're addressing it before you are married. My response is that when you two became engaged, he should have ended the extra contact (lunches, breaks, etc.) with her, confining his contact to a business-only one = simple. But he hasn't yet, on his own, so he needs to be prompted. <p>Your descriptive was that it causes "major problems." That's all I need to hear to know it's a big issue for you; therefore he has to pay attention to what you're feeling and saying, whether he agrees or not. You have to make your feelings absolutely understood by him, that's your part of the responsibility to your relationship. He, in turn, has got to--got to!--act on what you have said (read the POJA: "Policy of Joint Agreement" elsewhere on this site) and change his behavior. If he doesn't, that will tell you a lot about his commitment to your welfare and happiness. As I said, it's good that you're addressing this kind of issue now--beforehand!<p>Even if your behavioral standards in this matter are different from his (you don't have male friends of that sort), he needs to respect where you are with this. It's not a power struggle, it's basic regard for your feelings.<p>You're right with this; don't back down. I support your concern and agree with you--it needs to be taken care of, for you and for your communication and relationship.<p>Hang in and please post again and let me know how you're doing with this. <p>Ammon

wendymarie --<p>Forgot to say that this particular forum doesn't get the action or traffic that a couple of the other ones have.<p>Try reposting your message at<p>General Questions II (the most active forum)
or
Emotional Needs (also active, but not as...)<p>We want you to get some help and feedback and this isn't the best place to get attention.<p>Ammon