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Joined: Jan 2002
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gingeth Offline OP
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This is my first time to post anything like this and I have thinking about this for a week or so now...So here goes...this is a long story for only a year and a half marriage. I almost don't know where to start...the beginning might help.
During our marriage my H started out early on with what I believe to be abusive behavior. Within the first several months after our marriage we had a disagreement and I felt that I couldn't talk to him because of his yelling and attacking my character, well after several days when I came home from work (living in his mobile) he had changed the locks on the door so I couldn't get in and we talked or maybe I just submitted...then we were going to buy some property off of my daughter and relocate. We had gone up in December for me to have an interview with a prospective employer in their home and during the interview he talked non-stop about himself and how confident he was in himself and secure he was about himself etc etc..When we left I asked him if we ever had to go on another interview for me could he please let us doing the talking...his comment was no one was talking..I said it was because he was doing all the talking...this infurated him..I had been driving for 8 hours listening to him rant and rave and trying to keep my cool...I finally said that I needed to pull over...Stopped at a restaurant @ 10PM and got out to smoke and walk and the next thing I knew was I say my car take off...It was very cold outside and he left me there for about an hour...rest was closed so I walked to the gas station across the street..didn't know what to do call the cops and report it stolen,wait there, or what..He swears to this day that he did not abandon me..just went for some coffee...after he got back on the freeway...Moved to the property...My daughter did not trust him and was afraid that he would try to take her inherited property if it was put in both names so consequently the purchase never got consumated...Partly because of his threats to me and to her and then he wanted to back out so I told her to forget it...We looked at a mobile and the night that I put a deposit on it he got very upset because I made the comment about my credit helped us to purchase this because I had gotten an ok from my creditor...He has a terrible credit history in fact IRS and the State are after him..another story...anyway he was so upset that he torn the door off of the 5th Wheel(that was purchased with my credit)...I had the police out there and they told me to go and stay somewhere so I went to the neighbors..During the night he had packed up everything I own including family heirlooms, family pictures, toothbrush, all my clothes(every last stitch) etc etc and put them in storage somewhere...he removed the phones, took the propane tanks so that I couldn't get any hot water or heat and I am out in the boonies in the mountains...I managed to move in the mobile and lived there for 3 days with no water, no heat (but was in July so didn't need It)no electricity and no phone, no clothes, no nothing...Luckily I could take a shower at the guest restroom. Well we got back together because I am trying to do what God wants me to do...We celebrated our first anniversary apart...This happened a few days before our anniversary...Forgot he used to threaten to take the 5th wheel before we moved it onto the property...I never knew if I would have a home to go to when I left work especially if he was mad at me....I hate feeling this insecure or my security being threatened. He has LB habits that drive me crazy and when I mention could you wash your hands before handling food or turn off lights or heating pad before coming to bed....He gets very annoyed or upset with me..Says stupid me I did something wrong again..I can't do anything right....I feel like I can't tell him anything that I might not like even what I like or don't like to eat because he get offended and defensive...Well we are living under the same roof but we are not intimate, we can't seem to be around each other without some angry or abusive words being spoken...I went to a Christian counselor and he said that he was worried about my safety...I gave H the number but he has not called the counselor yet and that has been at least a month ago...Sunday asked H if he would like to join a home group said no...this morning said that I was going to join a women's bible study class and would he like me to register him for the men's emphatically said no...Bought him the book The Power of the Praying Husband...he won't read it....Have left many of the articles that I printed out from marriage builders laying around...he won't read them....I am at my wits end...should I stay or should I get this man out of my life and move on...There is no affection in him...He told me that I was the coldest woman he had ever known...how do you show affection for someone that treats you this way...I have tried but it has not been reciprocated. I have an old boyfriend that is close to my daugher and she told him about some of the things that has been going on...He would like for us to get back together...I do miss his gentle, nurturing and loving behavior that he gave me when we were together....Sometime wonder why I left him...Can anybody give me some ideas on what I can or should do...Right now I am feeling very vulnerable and fearful...All the bills are in my name and I'm also afraid that he would not help to pay them if we split but I guess at the same time I could get a second job and even that might be more peaceful than what I am going through right now...Thank you so much for listening to me and God Bless

Joined: Dec 2001
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gingeth --<p>Welcome to MB -- I'm glad you're here! We'll help you all we can.<p>First: Repost your message in the General Questions II forum. It's very active and you'll get a lot more feedback. Not many posters come to "Resolving Conflict," even though it seems like the logical place for your situation. GQII handles everything with many, many posters. Move it over there!<p>Next, I feel for you and I'm a bit worried too. Your H seems unstable, very unpredictable, very frightening. You are feeling "vulnerable and fearful," and that's all I need to hear to confirm it. What can you do to help yourself right now? Where can you go (friend, relative, neighbor, shelter) to feel and be safe? Where you are is not a good place for you to be. <p>What's a short-term solution for you? Then, when you have some breathing room, what's your long-term solution? Don't worry about a second job at this point; worry about security and peace-of-mind and your safety = immediate needs.<p>IMHO, you shouldn't be having these kinds of problems throughout your short year-and-a-half marriage. Sounds like you both could use some serious counseling, individually first then even together. Do you live in an area with Social Services? Check with them or get some trusted recommendations of people to see.<p>Three layers of problems: immediate, short-term, long-term. Work them in that order and one thing at a time. You've got a lot to bear and an awful lot to think about so simplify and do one step at a time. <p>I'm very sorry for these problems in your life. Take a deep breath and step back rationally and look at the situation objectively (if possible). What do you need to do for yourself to get some relief and comfort and peace in your life?<p>Hang in. I feel for you. Please post again and let us know how you're doing -- but in the other forum (GQII). We care...<p>Ammon

Joined: Jan 2002
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gingeth Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2002
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How do I move it over to GQII?
Thank you so much for your response...you have given me some things to think about...How do you think God would look at this situation...would he want me to stay or do you run from an angry person and a scoffer?
Thank you so much for your caring.
Gingeth

Joined: Dec 2001
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gingeth --<p>Sorry I didn't get back to you immediately; I'm sure you're waiting for a response.<p>What I do is drag my mouse over the entire message, go into the the "EDIT" menu at the top of your screen & click on "copy," (now it's ready to be moved), click on "Marriage Builders Discussion Forums, (in line with "Hello, Gingeth"), find the "Infidelity" category, the 2nd listing under "Infidelity" is "General Questions II," click on that to bring up those posts, at top right of page is "Post New Topic," click on that and when you get the post screen, go back to the "EDIT" menu & click on "Paste." That will insert your message from the other board. You'll probably need to print this out so that you can follow it while going through the screens but it's saves you having to re-type your message.<p>Well, I do care. Almost all of us are hurting here and if we can help each other, that's a very good thing. I don't know what God wants you to do but I do know that you need to feel and be safe. If you're worried for your safety, you need to act on that concern immediately. Is there a Women's Shelter or Support House that you could phone for advice? Do you have a trusted friend who could house you for a time? That sort of action may not be required for now, but it would be good to have the knowledge just in case.<p>I don't know exactly how threatened you feel or are, but I certainly can hear that you're scared and at your "wit's end" (your words!). You need to do things to insure your peace of mind and physical safety. If you believe that he's a "loose cannon" ready to go off, now's the time to use your escape route, not when it's already exploded. Maybe I'm making too much of the safety issue, but I'm hearing a lot of fear from you. <p>Write back soon and keep in touch. I'm here for you but I'll be off-line until the morning. I'll get any message from you about 8:00 am EST. Please think about your options and collect information to help yourself. I do care...<p>Ammon

Joined: Dec 2001
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Gingeth --<p>Haven't heard from you for awhile, so I thought I'd check in to see how you're doing. <p>Hope things are going better for you. Please know that I'm still here if you want to chat or vent or something...<p>Let me know how you are. I'm concerned about you...<p>Ammon


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