This is not a new problem in our marriage and it is one of several. But currently our teen daughter (his from previous marriage)has been the focus of our disagreements. We are also raising two boys from our marriage together (ages 8 and 13). I have explained my point-of-view to my H, but we just don't see things the same way. He believes that if you hold on too tight the bird will fly away and get into more trouble. I believe that you have to draw a line and set limits. Of course now the limits I set are often unsupported by my H so they only reinforce rebellion in my 16-y-o sd. All discipline for this girl in this home has gone out the window. She can be as rude and disobediant as she wants with no consequences because many consequences are unacceptable to my H and others are unenforceable (i.e. go to your room does not work, has not for a long time). Because of the calls to the sheriffs to get reinforcements for her out of control behavior - I received an Order of Protection. The result being she violated it and I called and she was charged and taken off to jail. My H bailed her out and got her an attorney. So now everyone is depressed. I am because things have gone so far. He is because we have disconnected. She is because she thinks no one cares. I don't want things to stay the same, but I believe that my s.d. can't live her with no limitations on her behaviors.<p>Am I wrong to be concerned about my sons copying her behaviors? Right the oldest boy gets violent with younger boy, need I say he has had plenty of examples of managing anger this way. <p>I don't want to end marriage, but I have very little respect for my H at this time. He seems to want to rush the physical making up of the relationship without dealing with my emotional need for support and some sense that we are moving in a positive direction. All I can say is "enough is enough". We can't go on like this for the rest of the years it will take to get my youngest through high school. I can't see any of my kids functioning well in relationships based on what they have experienced in this home. <p>Yes, I believe in God and I request prayers for His miraculous intervention. <p>I am very concerned about a 16-y-o with no limits who has already shown herself to be experimenting with drugs and sex. (By the way the lawyer my H hired says this is normal behavior for a 16 y-o and has won my husband over to his thinking.) <p>Thanks for any helps you can offer. We are in counseling, the counselor suggested residential treatment, but my H said no and wants to change counselors.

I just can't imagine how hard this is for you. I've been lucky in that my 2 SSs are pretty respectful towards me and we only have them on the weekends. My 2 are the ones who cause heartache and strife in the marriage.<p>Is the mom in the picture at all? If she is with you full-time then you might think about separation to get your H's attention.<p>Divorce is so ugly and can wreak havoc on kids. I'm really just starting to understand this with my 2 (and they are only 7 & 9). I divorced their dad when they were 3 & 5 and I thought it would be easier since they were so young.<p>Have you tried counseling?<p>My prayers are with you!

I feel for you too. I have 2 stepdaughters, and let me tell you - step-parenting undisciplined children with an unsupportive spouse is no picnic! They do grow up however. In the meantime, it is NO FUN! <p>I can't say that any of the methods that I employed resulted in a success story. The best thing you can do is to try and stay very close to your children, and be as much as a positive influence as you can. It was fruitless for me to make any demands of my step-daughter while she was living with us, the only thing that worked was to avoid any conflict and wait it out. Finally she moved out. She is now 18. It has helped to not have her in our home.<p>I am sorry I can't be more supportive for you, just know that you are not the only one that has been there.<p>TNT