HELLO, MY NAME IS TRISHA, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOUR YEARS AND 5 MONTHES. WE HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD SON, AND MY TWO A BOY,12, AND A GIRL, 8, FROM MY 1ST MARIAGE. THIS IS HIS FIRST.
WE WERE SO IN LOVE AND HAPPY WITH EAACH OTHER FOR A LONG TIME.. THEN ABOUT 18 MONTHES AGO, WE BOUGHT TWO ADDITIONAL PROPERTIES, AS RENTALS, FOR OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY- YEAH, I KNOW, THAT WAS OUR FIRST MISTAKE.THAT CAUSED ALOT OF STRESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP-ALOT OF STRESS,FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.THAEN, A YEAR AGO, HE GOT A BIG PROMOTION AT WORK, FROM A DAILY DRUDGERY TO A POSISTION OF MANAGEMENT- AND THINGS HAVE JUST GONE DOWN HILL EVER SINCE.OUR TWO OLDEST ARE ADHD, AND ABUSE SCARRED FROM THEIR BIO-FATHER,IT TAKES ALOT OF TIME AND HARD WORK TO DEAL WITH THESE TWO CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS. HE IS NOT VERY COOPERATIVE AND SOMETIMES EVEN BELIGERENT AND CONDESCENDING WHEN DEALING WITH THEM. HE HATES MY FAMILY WITH A PASSION- AND OPENLY COMMENTS AND OR DEMONSTRATES THIS. OF, COURSE I HAVE TO BE DEFENSIVE AND ANGRY, TOO. I HAVE REALLY SCREWED ALOT OF THINGS UP TOO- SINCE THE BABY WAS BORN, 3 YEARS AGO, I HAVE WORKED AT HOME-
THIS IS ALSO A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR TO THE STRESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, I FEEL SO TRAPPED AND LIKE MY CAREER IS DEAD...AND THEN THE STRESS AND ARGUMENTS WE HAVE- I END UP VERY DEPRESSED(I AM ON PAXIL)AND THIS MANIFESTS IN AN UNCONTROLLED SPENDING PROBLEM. MORE FINANCIAL EMOTIONAL STRESS-
COVER UPS, DEBT AND DELINQUENCIES...WE BECAME SO ANGRY LAST MONDAY NITE, 21ST, THAT DURING AN ARGUMENT, I SLAPPED HIS FACE, AND HE RETALIATED BY PUNCHING ME IN THE STOMACH WITH HIS FIST. OUR 12 YEAR OLD SAW THIS AND CALEED THE POLICE, WHO ARRESTED MY HUSBAND, AND PLACED US BOTH UNDER TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDERS, UNTIL OUR COURT DATES IN FEB(21ST&25TH). WE CAN'T EVEN TALK ON THE PHONE OR ANYTHING..AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS..
I KNOW HE HAS LITTLE OR NO TRUST LEFT FOR ME, AND I HAVE PRECIOUS LITTLE TRUST OF HIM ANY MORE, EITHER.BUT I DO LOVE HIM- AND I DO WANT TO GIVE US ONE MORECHANCE. I KNOW ITS GONNA BE THE HARDES<p>[ January 31, 2002: Message edited by: trisha_f ]</p>

Trisha --<p>I'm so sorry for the conflicts in your life. I'd like to see you get some help with things, but this forum doesn't get many responses or much action. May I suggest you re-post this in another forum: General Questions II is the most active, or you could try Emotional Needs. For your situation, this forum (Resolving Conflict) is the logical choice, but, as you can see, there's hardly anyone here. Try GQII!<p>It hurts me to read your message. I'm very concerned about the physical nature of your arguments. Frankly, I'm relieved that your 12-year-old called the police, who knows where that confrontation might have gone for both of you. With the "no contact" restraining order in force, you are probably feeling very alone with all of this. You've done a smart thing to post here and let us get involved with you and help to support you. No one here likes to read about or experience what you've related to us, but we can offer a bunch of sympathetic ears and some advice and things to think about. We're here for you...<p>Lots of issues for you and your family: physical and verbal abuse, financial problems, your depression, family rental problems, emotional stress, your career frustrations, and so forth, all this in four-and-a-half years of marriage. Not a simple picture, lots of complexities and considerations. If I can recommend one thing at a time for you, rather than being overwhelmed by trying to tackle a bunch--more manageable and doable. <p>Can you get into counseling? It would really help you to sort things out (H too) and give you some concrete direction. Read everything on this site: articles, columns, the Harleys' books, everything.<p>You two simply cannot continue being physical with each other. His punching you in response to your slap is totally unacceptable in any circumstances. You two have got to find another and better and more peaceful way of interacting. Those responses of violence are terrible for you and equally bad for your children to witness. Please, find a better way...<p>Trust issues between you two are major considerations but I see working through some of the other, more immediate, problems as larger priorities for you. Maybe trust is at the root of things and certainly needs to be addressed, but restoring and rebuilding trust is a long-term issue (it'll take time), and you have more immediate concerns that are begging for resolution. <p>Please stay with us and post again soon to let us know how you're doing. Let's get your post over on the other forum and get some more feedback for you. Hang in there, Trisha, we do care...<p>Ammon