I am a middle aged woman, been married for over 30 yrs.
I know my husband loves me and I love him, but we can't seem to get along.
I know a lot of it is because I have a lot of resentment built up inside, and I'm sure he's the same way. I have a love/hate relationship.<p>He has always been the decision maker in the family. I did not work when our children were small, so I let him make the decisions, buy what he wanted to, etc. He was buying property,etc. but always managed to keep us pretty well broke.
I didn't say anything, just signed the papers when he wanted me to. But I know inside, I was very nervous about a lot of this. I stayed depressed all the time.<p>He got laid off from work, and he went into deep depression. He told me I had to find a job. After 11 yrs of not working, I started having panic attacks. However, I went to work, with the aid of nerve medicine. He said he would never work for anyone else and he hasn't.
The property, house, etc. had to be mortgaged again to pay for his starting a business.
The business didn't work, and we lost money.
He started another business.
In the meantime, I had to work very hard and was beginning to get physically disabled, slowly.
I was changed to a midnight shift at work and it made me sick.
I found out he owed a large amount of money that he had to borrow to run his business, and I got really sick. <p>I'm trying to shorten this but it is hard.
I started resenting him because he was not working hard at his business, spent a lot of time running around and not staying at his job.
We also had some rental property.
He would not help me at home AT ALL. Nothing!
As I said I was working real hard and couldn't do a lot myself.<p>One of our rental properties burned down, and I found out that the woman was in another of our unitsbefore that one, and it burned too.
ANyway, I found out that he had been spending a lot of money on her rental unit to fix it up. He was also giving her free rent so that she could help him with some of his other units.
He had a lot of money in her unit. I know she burned it up inside so she wouldn't have to pay him rent for a long time. This was her second unit that burned.
I found receipts that showed how much he had given her to fix her unit.It was not a huge amount, but was a lot more than we could afford.<p>He was not even taking the trash out for me, but was running for her every day to get something for her. I had to go to the building supply myself if I got anything. I don't think he had anything to do with this woman because a man was staying with her (supposedly because she wasn't well). Physically that is. Emotionally, yes.
He was feeling sorry for her a lot I think, and gave her more than he would anyone else.
I've found out more about her and she wasn't worth feeling sorry for. She was taking him for everything she could get.<p>As you can see I have still got a lot of resentment even though she is gone now. I wouldn't let him rent to her anymore. He was going to!!<p>Now, I am partially disabled, and still trying to work full time so he can have insurance. I resent this. I want to work part time. I can still keep my insurance if I do this, but he won't have any. He could get insurnace I think, he won't check.<p>We both have so much resentment, I don't know how to recover. He is helping me at home more now, but our romantic life is over.
We act more like friends. We have a lot in common, but when it comes to business we separate. He won't even tell me what he is doing with our rental property. He keeps it secret until it's already done.
He never takes my ideas into consideration. He is not a good businessman. This is not just my idea. His children both know it. And he will not work hard to try to make it. He wants to just slide by. But he expects me to keep at it!
He doesn't come out and tell me I have to keep working full time, but he acts like it will kill him if I don't.<p>I guess I will go ahead and change job to part-time, but how are we ever going to get back on track. Right now I wonder if we ever were.
I think we should share everything and he believes in keeping everything to himself, and making decisions without even discussing it with me.<p>Anyone have a suggestion? He won't see a counselor. I've tried. I have seen one, but they told me to tell him to get rid of the rental property, because it was causing us so much trouble. They said to give him a time limit, and if he didn't sell it, leave him. Of course I didn't do that. I was too much of a coward. Now we are still stuck with property that is not paying for itself. And I'm stuck working, sick all the time.<p>Now, he has a man hanging around his business, whom he says he is not paying, but is around all the time. He leaves him there and goes out. He also gave him a key to his business. The man is there a lot and I can't believe he isn't paying him. When I bring it up he gets mad.
I told him I tell him about my job and he said I don't care about hearing about your job, I just listen because I think it helps you. In other words, butt out!! His business is a one-man job if that. He hardly makes enough to live on.
