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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 11 |
Been married 2 years (this May). I am 25, husband is 33.
My husband was out of town (on business) and I purchased a new vehicle. I didn’t really think he would care too much (he’s very laid back). He knew I was looking at getting a new car...but didn’t realize I was going to purchase w/ out his knowing. I thought I would make it a surprise for him. Well, it was a surprise...just not a pleasant one.
He is very upset with me and I am ridden with pure guilt. I can’t take the car back (already signed the papers). I truly am so sorry for what I did. I did a really stupid thing and I completely understand his anger and disappointment. What can I do to make things right? I feel like such a horrible person. I’ll probably have this car for 3-5 years...am I going to be reminded daily of his disappointment every time I get in the car? Does this feeling of one’s self hatred subside? Not sure how to move on...with myself or my husband.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649 |
That would be a big no-no for me! But I understand you wanting to surprise him. I would tell him that I wanted it to be a surprise and didn't think about how it might upset him. Surely, time will pass and it will be okay. If your marriage can't survive a little thing like this (I know the car itself is big but the decision wasn't an unforgivable sin) then, well, I don't know what. I just know it will be okay.
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,900
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,900 |
Lose the self-hatred thing. This was a mistake, but not murder. Maybe it will turn out to be a good buy, maybe it will be a lemon - the important thing is to learn from it. Now you know you have to discuss purchases and you can talk about which purchases. Over time I suspect most people evolve a fairly complicated system. For instance I can buy a fairly expensive item of clothing, but know I should discuss a new VCR which may cost less. It's not just money, far more important is the other's perception of their expertise/opinion and their hurt when they feel it is ignored.<p>In my experience the surprises men like best are the ones that they can eat or drink or have sex with. Go with those for a while and you'll both get over this.<p>Take care
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