My wife and I have been married 2 years, lived together for 6 years befor that, we have known each other for 13 years. I'm 30, she is 28. We have two children, boy 6, girl 1.5, we love them very much. I work days 8:30am to 5:00pm, she works 2-3 days aweek, 7:00pm to 3:30am, at a strip bar as a bartender. Recently I read some e-mail of hers, she has gone to lunch, twice, with a 40 year old man, that is a good friend of the owner of the bar, she works at. Upset? yes, she never told me about it, I found out on my own. I trust my wife, I don't trust men I have not met, I don't know his intensions. She is pist that I read her e-mail and instant messages, so pist she has changed her sing on name and password. Please leave some feed back. I love my wife, she is the world to me, the mother of our beautiful children, she is my best friend and when she doesn't talk to me I don't know where to go.

Anything...................?

No expert here by any means...but it does sound odd that your wife would be going to lunch with a man and NOT tell you anything about it. I personally would be very upset by this. Did she have an explination for her lunches? Strip bars are pretty "shady" places as it is. I'm sure she's not around a lot of good influence in that environment. It's easy to see another lifestyle and be tempted to try. I wouldn't take this lightly. I would definitely talk to her about the situation. Again, no expert...just my $.02 worth.

I do need to get to the bottom of the lunch thing. The strip clubs are kind of shady, it just might be the root of our problems.

I am afraid that you have potential for big problems here. First is the fact that she has kept these lunches with the other man secret. It does not take a rocket scientist to ask why she would keep it secret from you unless she did not want you to find out. I think this is serious.<p>A second problem is that she works in a strip bar from 7:00pm to 3:30AM. I think this is a recipie for disaster. I agree it is a very unhealthy atmosphere for a married woman with children to work at.<p>I would suggest that she find another job as soon as possible. Secret lunches and working at night at a strip bar is very bad news. Anytime a married woman is having secret lunches with another man is a very bad sign. The fact that she is now hiding her email from you because of this is another very bad sign. I would suggest a keylogger program to put on her computer. My guess is that if she continues to work at this place it will lead to a divorce. Get your head out of the sand and get her to find another job but get her to quit this place as soon as possible. Good luck.

When you ask her about the lunch thing what did she say? Besides changing her login and password. <p>Cant she find an other bartending job. Why the strip club??

She got mad, because I read her e-mail then didn't want to talk about it at all, two days later she said I'm a controlfreak and I don't let her have friends. I realy don't know her deal with the strip club, other than one of her married friends work with her, bartending also. I think it's time to get a P.I. in on this, I NEED THE TRUTH. I love her, I hope my faith in her is working. 13 years is a long time.<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: rednaxela ]</p>

Look around this site Red... Unfortunately, you have every reason to be very suspicious. I'd assume the worst is true and start thinking about Plan A. If you don't know what that is, find out about it on this site. Don't overreact, but don't let it go either. You have every right to question what's going on! Sounds like she's hiding an affair. If so, and you want her back, be prepared and do your homework now on how to handle it.

Red,
In my opinion and from a woman's side. I do not agree with what your wife is doing. Just so you know "You are NOT a control freak." You are a good husband that loves his family. <p>I used to think my husband controlled me. I felt he didn't want me to have friend or do anything. But the truth is that he was protecting me. He could see what kind of friends I chose and the things I wanted to do (go to bars and stuff) could get me into trouble or hurt.. <p>I'm sorry your wife cant see that you just want to protect her. For her to get upset with you for reading her email is awful. You did what you had to do seeing as she isn't communicating with you. It could be innocent or she could really have something to hide. No matter what the situation is she needs to talk to you. If in fact it is all innocent, then I don't understand why she is so bent about it. This has nothing to do with controlling or with you. This is something that she has created.. remember this is only my opinion. I don't want to cause you any more worry .<p>Your Friend,
Lisa

Thank you, all of you, LW, Thank you very much, a women opinion is what I was waiting for, I am trying to deal with a women, so to understand her more, I would need advice from a women, I think that makes sense. You are very right, she wants to goto bars and hang out with people, I think, that don't care for her or her family life, I see her friends, thier families, kids and life styles, not good. I hope she can see what I see someday.<p>[ March 09, 2002: Message edited by: rednaxela ]</p>