My wife and I have been together for 8 years this month. We meet while she was still in H.S. and have been together ever since. We have a 4 yr old boy and 2 girls (2 1/2yrs & 8 mon) that we both love indefinately. I have been out of work due to an injury since June 24, 2001 and she is a stay-at-home-mom so we have been "crammed" together since. During this time things have been stressful to say the least.
She is the type of person that will hold things inside instead of telling you the problem. We got to the point where we were hardly communicating. I kept asking her what was wrong but she wouldn't tell me. Finally, four weeks ago she told me that she is no longer in love with me and that she thinks we need to separate for a while. This came as a shock to me because I'm very dense and didn't realize that there was a problem; let alone it being this bad!
Well, I didn't react the way she expected me to, as I usually don't listen to her or I get a childish tantrum and make "her feel stupid", as she put it. What she told me really woke me up and made me realize how much she put into this relationship and how little effort I put in. Now I split my time between looking for a new job and reading everything I can on marriages. I thought that I loved her before but this website has taught me how to love her the way she deserves. I love her so much that it hurts not being with her and I can't stop thinking about her. I have been staying at my friend's house for a week now and it just hurts thinking about how I may have realized all of this too late.
But this is the problem. She doesn't know if she wants to open herself up and let me in again and take the chance of being stuck unhappy like she feels now. She says she needs space to figure out what she really wants; to find herself. She has never been on her own before and wants to see if she can do it. She also never had the opportunity to experience life as she had our son at 18. She almost refuses to talk about the situation and when she does she just sobs and says "I don't know" to every question I ask her.
The last few days have been OK and we have carried on normal conversations. I have stayed for dinner a couple of times and played with my kids because she has needed me at the house while she ran errands or took our youngest to the doctor. She told me the other day that she see me only as a friend and not her husband, to which I responded, "this is a step in the right direction." She doesn't see it that way and doesn't have the hope I have that this relationship will be repaired. Some of the things she says give me a glimmer of hope that we can work this out and other things just crush me. She knows that this is killing me but hasn't offered to take me up on counseling or even reading the materials that I have read these past couple of weeks; let alone let move back home. She says that right now she has no desire to try and needs time. I know that I need to be patient but it just hurts so bad and I want her to know how badly I want her and that I want our marriage to last. She hasn't said that she wants a divorce but when I asked her she didn't answer.
Have I already lost her or will she eventually come around? I told her not to give up on us or run away from the problems but she says she is tired of trying to fight for our marriage. I realize I have made mistakes and I am trying to make deposits in her love bank but it seems like the teller is closed. I am also going to be going to a psycologist to discuss my problems due to the injury I had as well as these problems at the direction of my lawyer.(I have a lawsuit on the injury case). He says these problems are common and I need to fix my problems before I fix ours and maybe she will come around and see that I'm trying. What else can I do to win back the only person I ever want to be with?