I am really begining to HATE Saturdays. H just came back from taking our daughter out for the day. He says they had a great time, she was such a good girl. He says, "I love you, Emma. Bye Cheryl."<BR>I said, "why do you keep treating me like a stranger, we are still married you know."<BR>He said, " We ARE NOT married in any sense of the word, and the house is not home to me." I said, "Ok, what would make it home to you?"<BR>H says "First, I would need to live here, and I don't and I can't".<BR>He starts to leave and I said that I was still waiting for the letter he was suppose to send me, explaining in his words how I failed in our marriage, so that I can deal with it and move on.<BR>He starts going on about how he can't live with me because all we do is fight and don't get along and that I am NOT worth another chance.<BR>He REALLY P'ed me off. I started yelling at him. I told him to get his own car seat for Emma, and to get whatever he wants out of the house or its going to the Goodwill. I asked him why I haven't heard anymore about the Seperation and he said he doesn't have any money. Then I asked him if he doesn't want anything to do with me, why he keeps calling me at work? Then I told him that I AM keeping the house, that he can't make me sell it and he says " Look B****, don't you know anything about RIghts of Survivorship. I can pull this house right out from under you. You better talk to your attorney." I said," Pal, you BETTER GET AN ATTORNEY. And their isn't a court in America that will make me sell this house and disrute our daughter life." HE told me to get the F*** out of his way. <BR>I called him on his cell phone right after he left and told him to STOP buying Emma presents. He said to not call him on that phone anymore it's costing him money. I said " If you think I costing you money now, sweetheart, just wait until I get done with you!!"<BR>Sorry this is so long. I am completly enraged. I can't stop lovebusting. <BR>One more thing. I asked him why he had to be so cruel, can't he see that I am in pain. He said. "Get Over IT!"<BR>I married such a great guy, didn't I??<BR>Thanks for letting me spout.<P>Cheryl<BR>

Oh, my stars, Cheryl - he just keeps getting worse!!! Have you seen YOUR attorney yet??? Go now, friend, as soon as possible. I know how you feel about him, but you have GOT to take care of you and Emma. I know it hurts. I don't even know what to say. I'm so angry right now I could spit!!! He's not been playing fair for such a long time, you'll have to watch your back now. How'd Emma take it today? Bless her heart. Is she ok now?<P>Talk to you later.<P>Lori

You go girl! Give it to that A$$! What is wrong with these guys! I think it's time we both go to plan B. My lawyer did tell me to keep my cool and and cont. being the good wife that did everything in her power to work on the marriage. Even though Mn is a no fault state most judges will frown on cheating spouses. I don't think he can force you to give up the house as long as you have a minor child. That doesn't mean that he has to pay for it but a judge will figure housing expenses into the child support.<P>Like I said before I'm going to sit back and wait this out for awhile. I'm in no hurry but I'm not going to be treated like s**t anymore either. I just hope that he doesn't call me this week because I really don't want to deal with him for awhile. Time for me to get my own life in order. I guess if she is all that special to him than let her have him. If he can really do this to me and the kids than he isn't the man I thought I loved. <P>Take it easy and we'll talk to ya later!<P>Jiller

Oh you guys, I feel so..., I don't know what I feel. I'm scared, I'm furious, I'm ALONE. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to Emma? <BR>I asked what about Emma. He said she id doing fine. I said, yea maybe now, but what about when she's six, eight, fourteen. What do I tell her when she wants to know why daddy doesn't live with us. What do I say to her when she wonders if daddy really loves her? He said he would always be a part of her life, and that being a weekend dad is just fine with him. That way he doesn't have to deal with me.<BR>How could I have been so foolish to have married this creep? Why didn't I see him for what he REALLY is?<BR>I have talked to my attorney. He told me that since he hasn't done anything on his own, that I can push it through myself, but is could take awhile. I am so mad I can't even type.<BR>Thanks for being there for me, my friends. God, make me strong, help me learn my lesson and help me move on!<BR>Love, <BR>Cheryl

Here all night - just keep talkin'. I gotta run Kristin to a friend's house for a cookout, but it's only a minute away so I'll be back soon. <P>You guys inspire me. Give Emma an extra hug for me. My youngun's yelling. Back soon.<P>Lori

Cheryl, just calm down and take a few deep breaths. You are feeling today as I did yesterday and I know how out of control I felt yesterday. He isn't the same man that you married. I really do think that people can change right before your eyes and it's NOT YOUR FAULT! Right now I don't feel any love feelings for my H, None! <BR>I hope that someday both of our H's look back on what they have done to our kids and ourselves and really hate themselves. I hope to hell that these women turn out to be the b*****s from hell and that they all live unhappily everafter. ( I probably don't mean all of that but it feels good to be nasty for a change!)<BR>Go sit down with Emma, read her a story, cuddle her and give her all the love you can because no matter what he has done to you, you have that preciouse baby to love and that is something that he will probably never have. You are a wonderful person and you can't let him do this to you it's not worth it. Done preaching now.<P>Love ya,<P>Jiller

I agree, Jill. They do change. And I can't say that I don't hope that they pay in their "next relationship" - the one that means the most to them. (Must, right? They gave up everything for it) <P>Cheryl, take care of Emma. I left h#1 (drug and alcohol addict, abuser) to save both of us when Kristin was little. Amazing what their little minds can blame on themselves even when you think they're too young to understand. But it made Krisitn strong eventually. (now, I'm dealing w/, "ok, so 2 dads leave me....ouch!) She'll be fine w/ you as momma. Calm down, like Jill says, get a drink? But stay angry enough to be strong. <P>Oh, no!!! I just opened a bag of Toll House Morsels!<P>Lori

oh i am so sorry, you are absolutely correct in your assesment of him. lovebusting aside, you handled it well, after all you didn't kill him did you??? very good, i see lots of self control. just for kicks, i'd keep dialing his cell phone! i am praying for you right now. i wish i could say something wonderful and wise like you always do (from reading these posts). read psalm 71.

Lori, sounds good I'm making rice krispie bars made with peanut butter and choc chips for frosting. I just hope I don't end up eating the whole pan myself. <BR>My kids are really hurting from this. H says that they will be fine but hey what does he know. I talk to them about things everyday and try not to say anything bad about their dad. I'm letting them get a kitten tomorrow. H will have a complete cow over that. What do I care. Boy am I bitter tonight and it really feels good.<BR>Better get bars done and open up my jack daniel wine cooler. I'm making a toast: To all of us betrayed spouses, may we all find the happiness that we deserve.<P>Jill

Here, Here!! Broke the cork on my wine bottle - guess I have to drink it all! (LOL)<P>I LOVE rice krispy bars. My typing stinks - cut my hand today and it hurts! (OK, so I'm whiny tonite) With all the crap you guys have to put up w/, makes me kinda glad my H doesn't even call. Weekends suck, though. I wanna PLAY. (Told you we were really rural...) We don't even have a movie theater unless you drive an hour or so. Makes me wonder what he's up to. I'm not so sure knowing's not better than wondering...<P>e-mail me a treat when they're done!<P>Cheryl, you there? <P>Lori

Very rural here also, closest theater is about 30 miles away. I was invited to a hog roast tonight but I don't want to get in the habit of going out all the time. So I'll just spend my evening here. I'm tired anyway. I have a family reunion tomorrow and I'm sure I'll get alot of where's H? Oh well I'll deal with it as it happens. <P>those bars are sooo good. wish I could send you all some.<P>Jiller

OK, I'm here. I took the wee one to the park. Then I had to put my little Angel Love to bed. <BR>You guys are so right. He really isn't the man I married. I still can't help feeling like I've been taken for a ride. Was our whole marriage a lie? ARG!<BR>I've got my glass of wine (with the bottle right next to it) and I'm eating Little Debbies. H***, I've lost 35lbs over this ordeal, I deserve a little chocolate.<BR>It's time for ALL of us to get busy and found ourselves. It's something that I've been trying to do, but now I'm really going to concentrate on it.<BR>Today I feel like a divorce is OK. I don't need someone like this is my life. Life is so short.<BR>I'm here now, probably will be all night (can't sleep ya know)<P>Cheryl

My H told me (before I found out about the OW) that he didn't like my basic personality and people can't change that. Yeah, right - he sure managed to completely change his. I asked him why he used to like my personality, and he said that I must have been hiding my real personality (during our whirlwind courtship of 5 years, of course).<P>ceecee,<BR>My H keeps telling me, and counselors, that we fought constantly - I don't know how we managed to do that without my being aware of it. I think it is just another excuse. He could say his favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate chip, and I could respond that mine was chocolate, and he would accuse me of arguing.

Your marriage wasn't a lie, but the lies made your husband a different man. I figured out they can't live w/ themselves (the people they were) while doing all the things they don't approve of, so they HAVE to become someone else. And they have to make you and your marriage something else in order to justify it. I know, I know, no rocket science there. I guess I finally got it.<P>Don't you wonder sometimes though, if they'll ever be the same again? I know, none of us will. But will they ever find the parts of themselves again that they were so proud of - the them that you loved and respected? I hope so, you know. With or without me. I do hope he finds himself again. <P>OH, sorry about that. Got things on my mind. In the mist of all this, I think last night I ended my lifelong destructive relationship w/ my mom - and it hurts. My brother says "It's about time - she was destroying you. Now go have a real life - you've looked after her and everyone else for way too long." But, I'm really sad. You know, she's my mom. And I do know she loves me and I love her very much. But she has, unintentionally, spent a lifetime, controlling, manipulating and destroying me. I don't think I know HOW to have a life w/out considering her, H and everyone else first. My brother said she groomed me for this from the beginning - I have to learn from scratch, I guess.<P>You know, I think you'll be just fine. What a wonderful role model for Emma! Think I'll go pour myself another glass of wine. And get another handful of morsels!!!<P>Lori

I to am thinking about divorce. I'm not going to rush into anything but i think right now it's a reality. I don't know if I can get over that feeling of being 2nd. I was always so committed to our marriage. I never,never looked at another man. I just don't think that deep down I will ever get over the resentment I feel. I really need to go on now for my sanity sake and if he wants to play this game he can play by himself. <P>I hope I still feel this way tomorrow. I'm tired of never knowing what frame of mind I'll be in from one day to the next.<P>Sorry for the change of moods it's the jack daniels talking.<P>Jill

Lostva- I would like to know how I insprire you. I'm a freakin mess. I know that I will be ok, but not right now. Just think I need to feel sorry for myself. <BR>Sorry about your relationship w/ your mom. Have you tried to write her a letter ( you don't have to send it) and just get some things off your chest. I know that when I write things down, I feel better. It's worth a shot. <BR>Thanks for the ChocoChips. Got some more wine.<P>Nellie- It sound like you and I married the same kind of barbarian. My h used to ask me the iron his shirts and when I did he told me that I did it all wrong. Then he couldn't understand why I stopped ironing them. He said I never did anything nice for him. JA<P>Crazy- I've taken a deep breathe and do feel better. I've got to get my head on and be a good mom. Save me a bar- I LOVE THOSE!<P>love you guys,<BR>Cheryl

I need some help understanding Plan B. I thought I was doing what I was suppose to, but maybe I need some clarification. Help me.<BR>Crazy- Jack Daniels, uh? Straight up, babe!<P>Cheryl

I'm really not a drinker I'm drinking JD wine colers not straight JD. If I did that I'd be passed out by now. I think you are doing ok with plan B. It is suppose to be a break from H and it's suppose to make him miss you. I'm sure it takes alot of time and paitence with this plan. I plan on starting it myself this week. I'm going to tell H that I need some time and I don't want to see or talk to him for awhile. He just keeps mixing me up and i don't need or want that right now. He has his own little life anyway.<P>How's the wine? I'm not drunk but feeling pretty good right now.<P>Jill

The wine is almost gone. Dang near drunk the whole thing. I'm going the take a jacuzzi bath. Feel like I need some pampering. I bought some smelly stuff for the tub, so I'm going to indulge.<BR>I didn't know they made JD coolers. I'll have to try some.<BR>I'm signing off for tonight. Thanks for all your support. Take care of yourselves.<BR>Love ya,<BR>Cheryl

hope you all are feeling better. whew!<BR>i think i would re read plan b---as dear wise, cl told me NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT. PERIOD. <BR>hope sunday is better for y'all