Okay this is what I have wrote on here with an update too. After you have read it, I need fedback. REALLY BAD!!! I am about to go insane with this all.
Okay, I havent been on here for awhile. So, here goes the story once again: My H is 27, I am 30 and we been married 6 yrs together 7 yrs. Split up.....well this is #4. Got two wonderful boys ages 5 & 6.
We got back together from a 9 mo separation 5 mo ago. He then told me he may be a father to this 19 yr olds unborn child. Well, I got over that. I did what most wives would NOT do. I stuck by him, bought baby clothes and took the thought of having a new step child in the family. The baby came 2 months early. We were both there at the hosp. when she was born. She is the most beautiful little girl that I have ever seen! Well, she was almost 1 mo old before coming home. But, when she was a week old my H told me he didnt want us to go see her with him anymore (she was and hour away in a hosp). He went to see the baby and the girl 4 days out of the week and spent 3 days a week with the boys and I. It was getting harder for me at that time.
One day he came home and told me he was leaving as soon as the bills were caught up. He said it was because I was NOT a good house wife. I never have been in the years we been together.I got tired of him never being home so I packed his stuff up and loaded it in his car. When he got home late that night I demanded my car keys and house key. I told him I wanted him out so he could think about what he was doing.
He ran right into this girls arms. Telling everyone it was his baby. He dont call to check on his boys or check on them. He got them over the weekend, they loved it. But they came back with alot of info to tell me. It all hurt me! They said he told this girl he loved her and vice versa, kept on kissing her and had hickeys on his neck. ALL OF THAT was done in front of the boys!
Now, he told me "I love you, I just couldnt bare to see you hurt anymore". WHAT THE _____! He want to file bakruptsy and a divorce now too. He ALWAYS comes back and I do love him still. I cry myself to sleep everynight. Am I stupid to still HOPE?????
Ohhhh on top of that the DNA came back friday and guess what!!!!????!!! NEGATIVE!!! But, he is still saying its his baby girl and still is with the 19 yr old. He ALWAYS wanted a girl. PLUS, he didnt want no more kids and so I GOT FIXED!!! He NEVER got fixed! Any ideas what I should be doing???? HELP ME!!!
UPDATE!!!!!
Okay! I think I am getting ready to go crazy! I got our family pictures back friday and All I did is cry. We looked so happy together in them, but yet we were not together when they were taking. We did it for our last time family pictures. But, tell me why we got just ours done without the boys? He took copies of the ones with and without the boys. Do I take that as he still has me in his heart?
I cant bare this pain anymore. I dont like this feeling I am having. I am trying to be strong for the boys. And try not to let them see my hurt. They are also hurting! Do I just give up on my love for him? Help I am going crazy!!!!
Even more of an update!
He still shows alot of caring towards me. And I have not notice him with the girl as much as he used to. H and I talked for 2 hours online the other night, it was so nice. But, there was ALOT of flirting from his side and mine too. He even wanted me to turn on my web cam (I DID NOT DO IT). He gives me hugs in front of the kids BUT, the last two times he has hugged me......i felt something. It was a tight hug with him rubing my back. NOW U SEE Y I AM SO CONFUSED!!! Is he getting ready to stick it (D) to me and doesnt want me to know it? HELP ME!!! I LOVE HIM WAYYYYY TOOOOOO MUCH TO LET GO!!!!
So after reading all of this......should I give up totally or wait? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

My heart goes out to you Unloved71.
You are in a horrible situation, one that is painful and also stressful.
Have you thought of having any counselling for yourself yet? This may get you stronger for yourself and your two little boys! Alot of people here say that a strong woman is very very appealing to their husbands [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
As for the OW, well i feel it's only a matter of time for her and your H. The little baby is not his, something that he will come to terms with soon enough. If you are strong enough, stand for your marriage. Read everything you can on this MB page, there are many many many people who have similar situations to what you are going through.
One more suggestion, post on the prayer page. Having alot of people praying for your family at the moment may help.
If you love H, don't give up. Marriages can be saved from the brink of destruction. <p>Please, read all the Basic Concepts here, and maybe think of some counselling.
Regards
Steph

Theres a prayer page on this site? I cant find it if there is......I pray every night to make my family whole again and it would be nice for others to pray for us too.
Counceling cost too much! I wish I could find some strength to hang on.....some days I got strong hope for "US" and then the next day H does something to bring me back down. I know he is confused on what he is doing. But he is not just confusing himself but, confusing both I and the boys. And hurting us all at the same time. He says he doesnt want to hurt me no more and thats why he wont come back. He doesnt realize he IS hurting me more and the hurting the boys too in the process.
I tried doing the ignoring thing like I read on here somewhere. OMG!!! I did it for a week and yes I got a LITTLE of his attention then but, It made him go to the OW more too. It doesnt help that he lives with his parents and never lived on his own. And his family has disliked me from the start, and they all love this OW. They are enjoying this and I see it in their eyes. He is so civil and shows some care when he isnt around his family. IF ONLY HIS FAMILY WOULD LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE!!!
If he didnt still care......he would leave me high in dry with all the bills. But yet he is still paying them all. I only have a parttime job and can not afford the bills. I am trying to find fulltime but its so hard. We lived off his income for the last year.
I want him to come home. I have not given up for mine and the boys sake. I do LOVE HIM SO MUCH, so I really cant give up so soon. I want him to come home for the love of his family and not for a rebound.....when or if he gets hurt from this OW. Which he will in time.
Oh! He has the boys calling that baby their baby sister..... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I will have to talk with him about that. Cuz it may hurt the boys in the long run. And could mentally screw them up. He is already doing enough with their lives. I STRONGLY AGREE.....I need some counceling...but need to find some I can afford. If and When he comes back to his family, we WILL have to go through marriage counceling.
On this site do they not send you a email saying someone ahs responded to your topic anymore? I know they used to. THERE I GO RAMBLING ON AND ON!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Unloved,
Hi there Girl, sounds like you're having a hard time today.
First, the prayer page is called Prayer Requests. When you log in, click on Discussion forum and scroll down to prayer requests and click on the link. Im sure there are many many of us there who will hold you in our thoughts and prayers. It's amazing sometimes when you are feeling at your lowest just going to the prayer page can give you a sense of peace in some of the turmoil that you face. There are times when the beautiful words of others will bring you to tears, but i guess that is what support and the grief process are all about.
Believe me, i know how it feels to have a husbands family not support your relationship. My H's mother is very cold towards me, has told me on so many occassions if i love H then i will set him free. In my heart though, it is not as simple as just letting our marriage fall apart, we have two boys together also, who suffer just like the rest of us. I don't have his families support at all, if ever i need the children to be looked after, they refuse to help. I keep telling myself that in the end, my childrens grandparents will be the ones suffering for they will destroy their own relationship with our kids.
Your H is still paying the bills, that is a good sign, it means that he hasn't totally opted out of his responsibilities as a caretaker and father. (Although your heart would feel he has opted out of everything emotionally). You still have some hope, there are plenty of ties to you and your children that he won't be able to deny.
For your own sake now though, it is time to get strong, or at least try and look after yourself emotionally.
You have many things to deal with, his deceipt and A (affair) and how that has hurt you. You have practically accepted the OW (other woman) being a part of his life, but know that you do not have to be nice to her, you do not have to accept the fact that she is with your husband. Have you thought that maybe your being nice to her is telling H that it is ok for him to be with her ??
Just a thought.
OW has bascially used a new born babe to trap your H. In the end, her using that baby will not keep him, but possibly drive him away from her.
You did mention that he always wanted a daughter, is there any possible way that you could have your operation reversed at a later stage ???
What about your little kids ? i know that mine constantly ask for their dad, they ask to see him, talk to him and always ask when he will be around next. Im sure yours would as well, they are around the same ages as mine. I know as a mum how much it breaks my heart when they cry for him, especially at night when he isn't there to tuck them in to bed. These are the kinds of things your H needs to know. He needs to be aware that the children are suffering, that he is breaking their hearts and that the consequences of what he is doing now can and probably will play a major factor in how well adjusted those kids will be as they grow to teens and then adults.
Im thinking of you anyway, i know the places your heart and mind must be in at the moment. Dark places, but i can tell you, with some good prayers you will find some peace and some light along the way.
Lord,
Unloved is so unsure of what she must do in her M at the moment, should she wait for H or move her life forward without him. Her love is still strong and she believes in her M, a M in your name. Lord, please look after her heart, give her some indication of what she should do, let her know if she is to stand for her Marriage.
Lord, look after her little children, innocent little ones who also suffer at the hands of separation, who usually suffer quietly at the sight of their mothers pain and anguish. Protect their hearts also Lord.
OW is not good for Unloved H, if only Lord, you could open unloved H's heart to see the damage he is causing this beautiful family. Please open his eyes to the fact that OW is not good for this man.
Lord, i also ask that you show unloved your mercy, give her a sense of peace and fill her up with your love, take away her emptiness and fill it with love for you, show her how wonderful you can be Lord, show her that in her darkest times you are listening, she needs you now Lord.
Amen