I usually post in the infedelity side of the board, but this does not relate to the A. My H verbally abused me last night again. I have told him how I feel when he does that, but it still happens when he is mad. Our daughter is 17 and dating steadily a boy who has had a drug probelm. He is clean at this time and he is a nice and thoughtful young man. Yesterday my daughter and her best friend (dates the boyfriends best friend) spent time at the boyfriends house 4 hours then went to dinner and then planned a movie. My H says I let her have too much freedom and never say no. That has been true in the past due to some character weaknesses I have been working hard to overcome, but has not been true in past few months. I get static from my daughter because she does not get enough freedom. She is responsible most of the time ie calls, comes home on time and earlier than her friends. My h resents her dating the "hayseed" and says she will have a "hayseed" in her belly and live in a trailer parked on his parents land within the next year because she is not responsible enough to take the pill. (She does take them daily because she has college and sports plans) I think he has some fear of history repeating itself. We were married when I was 17 and D was born at 18. He told me I was stupid for letting her date this boy (she is stubborn and would find a way to see him anyway) He is nice and teases this boy when he is at our house. He also called me a dumb ***** where our 11 year old son could hear. I have been reading "Boudaries" and have been trying to strengthen my boundaries. I told D and H last night I would no longer say yes or no to my daughters activities that they would have to go directly to each other. No more MOM in the middle. I plan to stay that way until he respects my decisions. I am unsure of the consquences of the verbal abuse. He said he was sorry this am, but it is not enough. I need to see change.

Do not tolerate the verbal abuse - definitely not in front of the children. If he's saying things to your daughter about her boyfriend and about getting pregnant - tell him to STOP and ENFORCE THAT. Belittling her is the fastest way to convince her that getting pregnant is the way to go.<p>Is she sexually active? Why is she on the pill? Has she been taught abstinance? Somebody needs to explain the facts of life to her - but don't do it in a way that belittles or cuts her down. And don't cut down the boyfriend either.<p>VERBAL abuse is just as bad as physical abuse - it tears at the soul. Don't allow it!<p>Jan

Thank you. Yes my D is sexually active. She was taught abstinence but she made her own choice on that matter. She made the appointment and she pays for them. She has only been active with this boy.
I know how verbal abuse wounds the soul but part of the probelm is I allowed it for years. Now I do not want it to happen anymore. i need help in deciding what appropiate consquences would be, not punishment for H but an act that says to him "She is not going to tolerate this." I am not going to leave my house and he won't either. I would leave for a few days or hours if that is what it takes for him to get the message. I know he feels out of control and realizing he can't control somethings makes him miserable. He is not a bad person just one with flaws as everyone else. I need some ideas on consquences from others who maybe have gone through this as well.