It happened again last night. When my husband and I fight, he always ends up calling me horrific names. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm always afraid of bringing up ANY issue with him because it always ends in a fight and him throwing things and name calling. Can anyone give me any advice on what to do? I know we need marriage counseling, but first of all, we just can't afford it and second I don't think he'll go. We did go one time and the doctor suggested some things. Well when we left he said that the doctor was an idiot. I'm at a loss right now and don't know what to do next. Can anyone help?

bamiss:<p>Try going to counseling yourself, if your H won't go. If you have HMO coverage, most (all?) of those have counseling services that are really cheap. Someone else on another thread suggested YWCA might have something, too. <p>Your H shouldn't be calling you names, and very definitely shouldn't be throwing anything at you! If you feel you are in danger, get out of there! Stay with a relative or (female) friend and let him stew in his own juices for a while if you need to. Don't take this, you don't deserve it.

I know this may sound stupid, but you can't afford NOT to go. My H and I have spent over $5000 on a very limited budget for counseling because of his affair. It's the ONLY thing that has saved our marriage. We have gone both individually and together. It really makes sense when they say you can't have a healthy whole until you have 2 healthy halves. If he won't go, go alone. You will learn skills that will help you, and in the process your marriage. <p>I know it can be expensive, but some christian counselors/agencies will charge based on your income. We should be paying $70 an hour but our counselor is charging us $45 since I'm not working right now.<p>There are also some wonderful self improvement books out there. We've read lots also, but having an impartial person listen to our problems is what has worked. I hope you will consider it!

Hi bamiss
Do you have church you regulary go too? I have counselling though my church it is helped me so much, my husband has been to one session but refuses to go again. But from my experiance I needed to deal with certain things for me, and hopefully if my husband and I re-unite my counselling will help enrich our marriage. One other point my church counselling is free, which will also help you if you are having problems with money.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by bamiss:
<strong>It happened again last night. When my husband and I fight, he always ends up calling me horrific names. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm always afraid of bringing up ANY issue with him because it always ends in a fight and him throwing things and name calling. Can anyone give me any advice on what to do? I know we need marriage counseling, but first of all, we just can't afford it and second I don't think he'll go. We did go one time and the doctor suggested some things. Well when we left he said that the doctor was an idiot. I'm at a loss right now and don't know what to do next. Can anyone help?</strong><hr></blockquote>

thank you all for your speedy replies. Well, he's going to be home from work soon and I'm going to talk to him more despite the name calling. I will talk to him about marriage counseling or even hopefully just a mediator. I'm afraid tho, that the marriage is over if this continues. I just won't put up with it anymore. And he'll never stop if I do. Thank you all again, and I will keep you posted.

They are all right do for your self it is hard to think of yourself first but if you don't no one else will. Talking helps.

bamiss,<p>I love my husband almost more than I love my kids...and that's a hard thing for me to admit.<p>In the first 15mos we were married, every argument included him saying really cruel things like "one night with x was better than a whole year with you" and "Pppporky Pig" and "I should have known better than to get involved with a fat b*tch like you"---all kinds of little sweet nothings. Accompanying those kind words were holes in the walls, food thrown all over the kitchen-dishes and all, a foot thru my car window. He was quite a joy. (Oh, forgot to mention that he is/was a habitual liar and had 18 jobs in 15 mos--can I pick 'em or what?)<p>Finally, I had to ask him to leave. He cried and begged but I knew I could not continue to live that way or subject my daughter (not his) to it. <p>Four days later, he called and agreed to counseling. We went to one session together, where he claims the counselor and I ganged up and made everything his fault. Actually, she referred him for individual counseling for the lying. He went a couple of sessions and came home and said the therapist pronounced him 'cured'.<p>To me, he is kind of like the "Idiot's Beautiful Mind". He made up his mind to correct the behavior and he has. He has held a job steady (except for getting laid off once) for over three years. He has never again said cruel things or destroyed anything. He might have told a fib or two--but nothing that I could prove--I just suspected and maybe that was my paranoia about it.<p>Your h sounds like my h did three years ago: he's not doing anything wrong and it isn't his fault if he is. I don't know how you can 'make' a person face facts and accept responsibility for their behavior. It has to come from them. About the only thing you can do is define consequences for his continued behavior and, this is the hard part, then let him suffer them.<p>If he won't go to counseling, you should go. ALso try your local Mental Health agencies...some clinics/therapists charge on a sliding scale according to ability to pay.<p>Good luck. Let us know.