Hello. I am wondering whats the best suggestion if i should leave my wife or not. Right now we are married for the past 4 1/2 years. This is hard for me to say it online. We first met and instantly hit it off. Everything we did was physical. I felt right with her and wanted to marry her right away. After six month dating her, i asked her to marry me. so we were married a year after we first met. somehow, during this marriage we started to fight a lot and I started to become angry with her, I started to verbally and physically hit her because we were fighting so much. She started the same thing with me and it didn't help us much. I stopped physically hurt her three years ago but she still hits me regularly if we have a big fight (such as pulling my hair and kick me) when I raise my voice with her. I cannot win any argument with her at all. <p>Now, she blames me for forcing her to marry me, that I ruined her life, and she has tried to hurt herself a few times. At first when it happened, i was stunned to say anything. She took it as like I didn't care. I was overwhelmed by this thought and feeling she was having. She blamed me for starting this. I admit that I hurt her first, but I stopped because I found Jesus in my heart and learned to control my temper and anger. <p>We were able to work this through but still she wasn't herself with me. She was always being hypocrite with me and I saw she was a different person with her friends or family (not my family). She constantly criticizes my family, talking hate about them and I never said that about her family because I respect her family so much like they are my own. My family isn't social people like her family so she had hard time adjusting to that. Also she blames me when we got married she moved to where I was living and working (she didn't have a job so i thought it was a better place though) and felt that she is stuck here. <p>The thing that hurt me the most in the world happened about a month ago, she went out to a club with her friend (supposedly a ladies' night) and invited an old boyfriend to come along. On that night, my wife and that ex had sex that night and I wasn't aware of it. It hurt me deeply to hear that. Since then, it was difficult for me to accept it. I showed my temper again and did not hit her but i was very upset and yelled at her. I felt horrible about it. After this event happened, she asked me to move out. I did moved out to an apartment. Later on, she decides to go back to her hometown and stay with her family. So I moved back home. I find out that she was going out every night and had sex with another guy to spite me because I was trying to get an hold of her so we can talk things through. <p>So right now we are separated. I don't know what to do about it. I still have faith in our marriage and admit I made tons of mistakes in our marriage but i feel she should forgive me. She is living in her hometown (which is about 700 miles away from my town) I still talk to her online mostly about bills, etc but I sense she sounded happy up there. She will not move back home with me because there is too much bad history here. She has admitted to me that she hates my personality and wants me to change who I am in order to meet her needs. <p>Now the question here is:
1) She wants me to move back home if we still want to be married to each other. There are no job opportunities in her hometown that my work area could gain. I do not want to move back to her hometown and I am afraid that we will have the same problems again. Her parents advised her that I will change when I move there. Should I do it to save our marriage? <p>2) She has admitted to me that she is interested in me only for sex because I am the best looking guy she ever had but hates my personality and wants me to change who I am so she will be happy with me? I asked her if she changed for me, she says "yes I changed for you but you didn't change for me" and still not happy with me? I am confused abou this. <p>3) My parents have told me to go for divorce because they saw how unhappy I was the last few years being in this marriage. I am truly close to God and don't want to end this marriage. Since you read my history that is so personal to me, should i stick it out or not? We are young (25-wife and 27-me) <p>4) Last question: we are separated now and people suggest to wait it out thru the separation and get a divorce. Other tells me that i should end it quickly so the healing process goes faster. I am unsure of myself in thinking about this question. Is a long separation good for marriage? Maybe we will learn about ourselves and forgive each other eventually. I am not sure about this. <p>Thank you so much for reading this long long letter. I feel better now.
