posted April 15, 2002 02:22 PM
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I'd love to get some advice regarding my situation. I have been married for three and 1/2 months to a man I have known for six years. I found out I was pregnant in November and we hurriedly married in December. We had been engaged two years earlier and I called it off - because I just about knew it wasn't the right thing to do. My husband is 11 years older than I am. He was born in another country and has been here for over twenty five years. We're both professionals. He runs his own business. He was very assertive in our dating relationship. Everytime we broke up, he'd sweet talk me into getting back with him. I am by no means a pushover, I call it like I see it, and let him know when he's done something that bothers me. <p>A week before the wedding I had serious doubts, but my pride ( I can't have a baby without a husband) overshadowed those gnawing doubtful feelings. Now we fight about cleaning the house - he says I'm lazy because I believe in a 50/50 division of labor around the house. His business is not doing well and has never really done well. He gets depressed and spends money he doesn't have and we have a baby on the way. I am consulting and working in his office part time, so our finances are not good, right now. I plan to get a full-time job after the baby is born. <p>Did I mention the three other children he has one belligerent, disrespectful 16 year old from a previous marriage and a sweet 9 year old and 12 year old from affairs DURING HIS FIRST MARRIAGE! I know, what was I thinking! <p>We argue a lot and when I try to communicate to him how I feel, I let loose and get really ugly - referring to his cheating past, two children during his marriage, that he should rethink how he is going to take care of his new family and pay child support for his other children, and that he should consider closing down his business and getting a steady income. <p>He doesn't want to hear me (and probably the way I deliver the message). When I completed the marriage builders questionnaire and gave him one to complete, we argued about that. He said I was trying to control him... which is a common statement from him and that I am nagging him. <p>When I asked him about going to counseling, he said he would go, if I pay for it. My finances are low, but I am willing. <p>If he is not willing, I said I would go to counseling and try to see how I can't work this out myself. <p>Last week I moved out of the bedroom, and into the guest bedroom, he was no longer affectionate toward me anyway and often said negative things about my growing pregnant body. <p>I have visions of me and my baby leaving after s/he is born, getting on with our lives without an arguing mom and day. Please advise.
