I am in disparate need for advise on how to resolve my dilema. My wife of 9 years was physically abused by her ex husband. Since we got married I felt that she is very resentful towards men. No matter how much I try to show her the loving and caring side of men, I felt that she was always cautious and reserved. My wife is not the affectionate type, I am. Often I feel that it annoys her when I try to touch her or kiss her or give her a hug. It feels that I have to do alot of preparations before even trying, yet I managed to adapt to all of these issues for the sake of helping my marriage, and because I truly love and care for my wife.
Another thing that played a role in my wifes frustrations with me is the fact that I grew up in a different culture making it diffecult for her to understand some of my behaviors or as she puts it, hard to communicate with at times. This is quite confusing to me just due to the fact that I handle rather large projects and also I am a professor who teaches a university level classes without ever having to feel that I am having any communication problem with my colleagues or students.
Finally, 6 weeks ago we got into an argument and out of nowhere my wife hit me. That hurt my pride and feeling at that moment and unfortunately I responded by hitting her back, but I soon realized that I did a very terrible thing, eventhough it was just a response. I felt very bad about my behavior and seeked professional help the very next day. I have been attending counseling sessions since then on a weekley basis. I feel so ashamed of my behavior and consider it unacceptable no matter what. Since then I also apologized to my wife more than once but she indicated that she is having a hard time forgiving me (and rightfully so), and she had moved her stuff to another room. This had been so hard on me emotionally, but I am trying to put myself in her shoes and try to understand were she is coming from.
I love my wife dearly and care for her so much. Yet I need to know what can we do to help each other and salvage our marriage. Also, what else can I do to prevent myself from doing such a terrible thing (this was the only time in my whole life that I ever hit someone back). Finally, what can I do to redeem myself with my wife and gain her trust back. This is not as easy as it may sound, but I am welling to do what ever it takes to protect my marriage.<p>Thank you.<p>
AHA[*]