My husband of eight years is constantly making unreasonable demands, yelling at me until I am just overwhelmed by his anger, name calling and threats (to leave me and our son). If I try to leave the house to escape his angry outburst, he will block the doors with his body and dare me to make a move. Other times, I have become so frightened, that I am on the ground shaking and crying uncontrollable. After being forced to listen to his tirades for hours, I am unable to go to work because I can’t stop shaking or crying.
After his outbursts in which he sometimes blames me for everything bad in his life, even things that happened years before I met him, he will turn around and then act like nothing happened. He is outraged sometimes if I watch a TV program or smile at his family members or my own. He has on several occasions blown up at me and stopped speaking to me for days because I laughed with his sister. He says that I need to put that effort into him and our relationship. I spend so much time and effort doing things for and with him but he is never pleased or even grateful. I readliy admit when I am right and wrong but I don't see myself as his downfall. He got angry with me and told our four year old son, “ You better hope that it never comes down between you and an Aunt or you (my son) will lose out. Your Mommy will not do anything for you.”
He talks constantly of his problems and my role in causing them. For hours at a time and demands that I don't say one word. I was assualted 3 years ago and he never wants to talk about that or any of my needs. He has also had two affairs that I know of and one that I suspect. This weekend was the final straw for me. He once again began his tirade against me and did it in front of our son. He then told me that I could not leave the room that I was in and stood in the doorway to block my exit. He dared me to try and push past him and steadily blocked every move I made to leave the room by pushing me back with his chest and arms. Finally I had to call 911 in order to be able to move freely within my own home. The police said that since he did not hit me, they could do nothing. Now he is calling me at work, yelling at me for calling 911. He now states that I could have gotten out of the bedroom and that I was wrong to call the police.
Is he crazy or am I just a no good, unfeeling, lazy evil woman? I am so depressed and always afraid to go home and face the music. His attacks are more frequent and I don't want to expose my son to them anymore. He is fearful of his father and excited whenever he goes away on business.
I have to make a change and need some advice on figuring out what to do next. And learning to believe that I am not Satan as he would have me believe.

I am so sorry for your heartache, and for your son having to hear all this. No you are not lazy, Satan or stupid, but you are being emotionally abused. The wounds you have are deep, but they don't show up as bruises. They are wounds to your spirit and soul, and are deeply damaging. I have counseled several women who are being or have been emotionally abused, and you need to find help and have a definite plan to get our with your son. What you H is doing is evil, and it will leave deep scars on you and your son unless it stops. He sounds like the textbook case of a controling H. You cannot change him, you can only protect yourself and your son. Please check your phonebook. There is usually a list of numbers for abuse, and one of these can help you.<p>Please check out these web sites on emotional abuse:<p>http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/familyviolence/html/emotioneng.html<p>http://www.kodie.demon.co.uk/pawshome2.htm<p>http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/links.html<p>http://joy2meu.com/emotional_abuse.html<p>Also, there is an excellent book on emotional abuse called "No Visible Wounds : Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women" by Their Men
by Mary Susan Miller, Phd <p>Here is a link where you can look at it and read several pages:<p>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_83_1/002-3615781-0065664<p>Please take care of yourself! You are important and a good woman and mother.

Please let me add that, in my opinion, it is only a matter of time until the abuse becomes physical contact--although he has already physically abused you by holding you hostage in your home. <p>I think you need to get out and get out now. If he cares about you, he will seek counseling to change his controlling, abusive behavior. If he is not willing to go to counseling (and I truly don't think he will--at least not for a while), then you must build your life without him. This guy has some serious problems.

Thanks to RJD and FranklyMyDear for responding to my post. I got hold of an experienced counselor and we both attended a session and are scheduled for another next week. Right now the H is being kind and calm but past history shows that this will not last. I can't shake the feeling that I need to do or say something else to make things work out. I guess I have heard from H so long that this is all my fault that I believe it even though logically I know it is not true. Also I have been taught that a woman is suppose to "save" the marriage. I just hope that I can do the right thing.

I am so glad you found a counselor! Thank God for that. Your H is showing the typical behavior of an abuser: abuse, then be kind, then the cycle begins again. Sometimes they even apologize with tears, gifts and vows never to do this again. This is especially true with physical abuse. But it only lasts for a while, then the abuse starts again. Please check the web sites if you can, they have much good info that you can use. You are not at fault!!! That is a false message he gave you, don't believe this lie. <p>Please keep us up to date, we are all concerned.

That sounds like the exact problem I was diagnosed with. It's called Intermittant Explosive Disorder. Look it up on the net. He needs to see a professional psychiatrist and get on medication. For me it was 60 mg of paxil a day. Mayby this would help before you decide on ending the marriage. It was ironic for me that it took getting hit with divorce before I got help. Now I'm a different person but it was to late to save my marriage.