I got into an argument with my wife almost 7 weeks ago. My wife still upset and has not gotten over it. I have apologized three times, I also took the initiative to attend anger control and relationship counseling sessions since then and have been attending since then and will continue for a while.<p>Due to my background and the cultural differences, my wife always thought that I am different and hard to communicate with. I have to be honost, this hurts me to know that and have been trying to change as much as I can to proof to my wife that I do love her and care for her. My wife was the only female in my life that I ever dated, so my experience in dealing with women is not that great, but I have always been proud of this fact (that my wife is the only love I have experienced). In addition, my wife was married for one year when she was 17. Her husband was a very abusive person. Her experience with him have left her with many deep scars that often I had to deal with. But I have always been supportive and understanding. A normal arument can turn my wife into a very aggresive person, just because she assumes that the argument will end up with me hitting her. That's not true, and never happened. But in her mind she believs that way.<p>I need a female openion on what to do to regain my wife's her love and trust. <p>Please advise.

Talk to her. HAve you asked her why she is still upset or what you can do to help her put this incident behind you?<p>I applaud your steps for anger management, many people refuse to see their own faults.<p>I suggest you read everything on this site-especially the Emotional Needs section and perhaps ask your wife to do the Emotional Needs Questionnaire with you. This may be of great help in giving her the support in the areas that *she* needs. Everyone's Emotional Needs are different. I also think doing this will show her that you are willing to take whatever steps necessary to fix the marriage.

I did talk to her more than once. I have taken urther steps to prove to her that I am willing to change any of my bad habits or the things she dislikes.
I have been reading every thing on this site and I am currently reading "His Needs Her Needs". So far my wife is almost the opposite of what the book is talking about as far as women need are concern.
The problem I face all the time is that my wife is not the affectionate type. She is always raising the Par on my every time I take a step forward to change. Her past experience with her ex-husband (and his abuse) always prevents her from seeing the positive changes I make.
I wonder how can I ask her to deal with her past without offending her?

Anger is a natural instinct that can become a habit.
MBPerhaps you both could you some anger management and understanding. Reading the info on this sight is very positive and can be rewarding.
Does your wife read the info and understand the basisc concepts of MB?
She may also need to understand where her reactions are from insticts and habits of the Giver and Taker sides of ourselves.MB
Has she shown any interest in trying to improve your marriage together? you may want to approach it as something you need to do if she is reluctant to admit she has any responsibility in making an improvement in your relationship. Both people have created your relationship and an improvement can most easily be made if you work jointly to make improvements. i knoe sometimes the motivating of a partner can be difficult but a positive non fault finding way is usually most helpful. Perhaps tell her you need her help...then ask her to help you by looking at this web site, only to understand that is where you are coming from and if that would be something she would see as beneficial.<p>Filling out the EN and the LB questionaires, MBcouls be very helpful for both to help identify areas of work needed by both after framiliarizing yourself with the Basic Concepts at a minimum. Reading the letters written as examples can give some insight into your ownself. this may be helpful for her too.<p>Has she expressed a need for improvement in general in your relationship? Do you know where she really is coming from?<p>Hang in there, it is a long road to make a relationship good. It does take an awareness and willingness to make it good for both.