My wife and I have been together for 5 years and not even married for 1 yet, and we are having some very big emotional problems. She is now on the verge of divorce and I don't want that to happen. She has gone to stay with her best friend who as well has had marriage problems. I desperately want to work things out but she doesn&#8217;t want to talk to me, and thinks that things will not change. I will have to admit that I have done some thoughtless things in our relationship when I look back on the past months. And I can't believe I did those things to her and I don&#8217;t blame her on the way she feels. But I feel that these things can be corrected and forgiven over time, but she as well hasn&#8217;t helped the situation out. She bottles thing up and lets them out in one huge vent and makes me very upset and then I don&#8217;t listen. We've talked about our problems but they never seem to get resolved. I desperately what her to believe me that things will get better over time. I have read things on this web site that have answered a lot of questions as to why things are the way they are, and what happened. I have also made some personal brake throughs about my self and the way I feel about my wife. I really want her to give our marriage a second though and a second try now knowing what our mistakes are and how to resolve them. But she still wants to give up on all we have accomplished in a short period of time of our lives. <p>We have just bought a new home and both have very good jobs. And we&#8217;re only in our early 20&#8217;s. I know that marring at this age can be very very hard but we both felt we were strong enough to make it work. Well&#8230;.. that was then. This is our first real relationship with someone and it has been tough because of that it think. <p>She seems to believe that no one can change her mind or say any thing to help our marriage and us. She told me that she wanted to go to counseling a few days ago but now she doesn&#8217;t believe its going to help. She says she doesn&#8217;t love me any more, and doesn&#8217;t have fun with me anymore. I don&#8217;t know what to do or say to her. I&#8217;m trying to give her time to think and cool down but I can&#8217;t imagine what she may do or say next. I talked to my in-laws about what&#8217;s happening and what she had maybe said to them, and my own feelings. My mother in-law called her and said that I called to talk to them and my wife got even more upset and called me to call it quits. Was I wrong to talk to my in-laws? They both want us to try and work things out and feel a second try would be healthy, but I think my wife won&#8217;t listen to them. My parents feel the same way. I feel like should keep our families in the loop for support and love, and I want her to get that from her family as well.

Like said in the beginning, she has now gone to live with a friend, and I&#8217;m nervous to think what she is telling my wife or what she may be reinforcing in her mind. Her friend is them only person that I know of she has been talking to that knows the situation and I feel she really needs to talk open heartily with her parents. She had problems with her husband a while back and in my mind they kind of had some of the same problems. She left to live with her parents and wanted a divorce as well. But in about a week or more they worked things out and are now back together. I hope that happens with us and I&#8217;m trying to give it time, but she is really upset and I don&#8217;t know if she is think rationally right now. And saying and doing things to make me feel bad. I feel that they are my friends as well but I don&#8217;t know if I should talk to them to see what they feel and what they are saying to my wife to help or hinder our marriage.
I feel that this marriage has hit as very weak point in the beginning of lives and I feel that we can make it very strong. But I don&#8217;t know if my wife believes that. What should I do or say to her when she ever gives me the chance.

If there is any way possible, I would encourage her to leave the home of that friend. Misery loves company and right now I&#8217;m sure they are &#8216;two against the world&#8217;. The friend is most likely very supportive because the situation probably benefits her-she has company, possible financial help and they probably discuss each other&#8217;s problems and commiserate. I would bet this is why she is waffling on the counseling.I don&#8217;t think the environment is conducive to rebuilding your marriage. I would ask her if she would please consider returning home to give you an opportunity to prove to her that things can be different.<p>THEN you must make them different. You said you &#8216;close up&#8217; and don&#8217;t listen. Now you know what the problem is&#8212;how are you going to fix it? Remember, you can only change and control yourself. Any changing on her part will have to come from her. And you can&#8217;t force that. But usually, when our SO changes in a positive way, we tend to follow suit. <p>What does she consider &#8216;fun&#8217;? I hate that word almost. My h thinks everything should be &#8216;fun&#8217;&#8230;life isn&#8217;t fun. I don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re supposed to have &#8216;fun&#8217; all the time&#8230; but, heck, I&#8217;m old now. I used to LOVE fun and still like it quite a bit. I just don&#8217;t think of the word much. <p>I think at this point, if I were you, I would send her flowers at work with a long letter saying pretty much what you have said here. That you love her and know that you have not been filling each other&#8217;s needs but hope that she will give you the chance to do that. Read the Basic Concepts first&#8230;.and the Emotional Needs section.
Tell her that you are sorry to have gone to her family but that you felt that they might have some insight on how to help the situation. Assure her that you will not be indiscreet again. <p>If she is unwilling to talk still, then all you can do is move on with your life, do what you have to do each day and be there for her when she does get ready. We will be here to talk to&#8230;try the Emotional Needs board&#8230;it has a lot of traffic and great topics. Best of luck and please let us know how it&#8217;s going.