Hi everyone.. I am sorry if my English isn't 100% yet. It's my second language. My husband and I are married for almost 4 years and I am 31 years old and he just turned 40. We don't have any kids, because he was previously married and had a vasectomy operation done (he doesn't have any children either). He shows no interest in trying the use of new tecnologies such as IVF +ICSI (Which probably would help me to get pregnant) and now to complete the story, he doesn't feel making love with me for almost 01 year. He says that he is always tired and when I talk about this we both get upset. He says that I don't understand his concerns and he says that he has too much responsabilities. I am not working at this moment and he has a good job but he seems always concerned. I personally think that he shouldn't be that concerned because this is afecting our relationship. I feel in love with him and very attracted for him and I want to make love with my husband but he has no interest at all. He says that he loves me a lot. When we don't talk about kids and sex, our lives are great.. but if I talk about this I start a problem. He said that each time I get mad at him, I just make things worse..<p>How can I deal with that? Any suggestions? I really want to save my marriage, but I am not finding a way to understand how he feels and I can't make him to understand how I feel about this whole situation..<p>Thank you,

Hi- I completely understand, my husband and I are going through a rough time too. He is sexually not attracted to me right now and he is not affectionate either. He is the type that we see each other each morning and each night and that is enough for a marriage. I too fell in love with him but my love is turning into hate. I don't know how to solve your problem, but hang in there hopefully this is just a phase, I certainly don't understand men. Us women just have to stick together.
Supermom425

mmh_2002<p>Sounds like you struck a bad chord with your husband over having children. He's 40? He probably doesn't want children at all at this point in his life. By the time your child, or chidren, reached independence from both of you, he would be in his 60's and probably doesn't like that thought. I know, because I was almost 39 when I married my 2nd wife and I made it very clear I did not want any new children to raise into my late 50's or early 60's. She already has 3 girls at home and I have 2 full grown girls from previous marriage/relationship. But back to your situation. It sounds like your husband is avoiding the conversation with you to tell you point blank that he has no interest at all in having children. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings on it. Did you two discuss having children prior to marriage? Did he say he wanted to have children with you then changed his mind? These ill-feelings over you wanting to be pregnant has probably interfered with his sexual desire for you. Everytime he is sexually intimate with you it automatically brings to mind this topic of having children, so he avoids it altogether. I am speculating a little bit here, but it seems that his avoidance of you sexually is somehow related to this issue of not having children. Have you suggested counseling at all? Perhaps something is bothering him that has nothing to do with children or sex but he can't seem to communicate it with you, though it sounds as though those 2 topics get him angry. What do think?<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</p>