Hi anyone who reads this... I have been married for a year and a half. Everything was fine until we had been married 3 monthes. He started going out and getting drunk and eventually left me. We were apart for two weeks when I decided to tell him i couldnt keep hanging on not knowing what he wanted. That night he said he wanted to work it out. So we did for a little while, then he started showing more signs of destructive behavior... spending money we didnt have on alcohol, going out for endless hours, wouldnt answer his cell phone, stranding me at our house while we only had one vehicle, totalling my car drunk, and I could go on... Well its been up and down. It would get better then worse and back and forth again. Finally, it all blew up and he left again, this time for ten days. I lost my job because he took our truck and just took off to Florida. I had no money, no food, no transportation, yet i put myself in the situation with my attitude he said. I heard nothing for that ten days from him till one day he came back and asked if i would have him back that we would make a new start. Everything was great for a while, money was tight and he went back into the military. So eventually i got to come to his duty station, and everything was still going fine. Till a few monthes ago, the drinking thing started going on again. Debts that he seems to care less about, leaving me at home, spending our grocery money on beer. I love him deeply and I can not make myself leave. But it has gotten bad at this point. I caught him at a strip bar spending all our money and it really went downhill from there. He has never cheated or lied but now hes been lying to me. The cheating i am not worried about, because if he was going to he would have a long timer ago. Now he tells me to leave, yells, I have noone here to help me. My family is 1000 miles away. And I dont give up. He tells me i need to leave then in the next breath comments about something i need to do like nothing ever happened. Get what I am saying? It is like hes playing a game. He has been losing his temper a lot. Threatening to knock me out, shattered our driverside window on the vehicle, he even tried to take my carkeys so i wouldnt have any. And none the less he has gone through his whole paycheck, i get paid in two days and I am expecting some kind of make up actions from him for that reason. Not that I will give in. Sorry this was so long, I just dont know what to do and i dont want my marriage to end. We are so much better than all this. It is like we forgot what our love was all about. Any advice would be helpful. Please help me... I am so depressed.

Honey if it were me I would run for the hills, see if you can go stay with family or a friend for a while. Sounds like he has some control issues and anger issues he needs to work on. If he is hitting and shattering car windows, next time that could be you ! And the fact that he takes off and leaves you without transportation and takes your keys sounds like to me a control thing. He sounds like he has got alot of issues he needs to work on. I have been there..and let me tell ya, if he can hit one thing..he can sure hit you!!<p> Get yourself out of the situation and tell him if he wants to work on your marriage then he needs to go get some help for his anger. The first few years of marriage is the adjustment period, it is always hard. But this doesnt sound like the typical adjustment things. Dont stay in a situation that is dangerous for your safety!!
If he cares about making the marriage work he will go get some help. <p>Take care

I am with Babyblues!!! Run!! Save yourself!!! <p>He does have some anger/rage issues and if he is destroying property, how long before he DOES hit you? <p>See, some of your story is the same as mine...my h has been drunk a couple of times...put holes in the wall, yes--put his foot thru my driver's side window, too...threw food all over the kitchen and I was on my knees until 4am cleaning it, crying with his mother standing there watching (she offered to help but she's not physically able AND he wasn't drinking that day)...threw a brand new (I mean we had it one day!!!) computer monitor in the floor and when that didn't break it, drop kicked it a couple of times...all this during temper tantrums. It has taken 4 years for him to stop doing all this...the last episode was in the fall of 2000. He has stopped but I don't know if every other 'rage-aholic' can just control themselves. I think your h (and mine) needs individual counseling.<p>He has control issues that need to be addresed, too, in my opinion. <p>Take care of yourself. Please think about whether your life would be better without him. Life is too short to spend unhappy.

Thank you both for your reply. it has given me more insight on the situation. I don't know what I am going to do but I will keep you updated. no new occurences since yesterday, I tried to cook a nice dinner and rented some movies and when he got off work he said he had already eaten, and that he told someone he would stop by this bar for a beer. So needless to say I was kind of upset after all my preparations. I was trying to have a nice night with him and set a peaceful mood so we could talk. He ended up not going cause he said I was being a butthole about it and it wasn't worth fighting about to him. I just don't understand... I told him I would get a ticket and go spend some time with my family to give him the break he wants and he said, "ah, whatever you aren't going to go I know you wont do it. " What is that supposed to mean? I really appreciate your advice you gave... I hope you understand where I am coming from in not wanting to go. I want the best though for both of us.

I totally agree. You need to get away from him fast. Go spend time with your family if at all possible. From your past behavior, he assumes that you will not leave him for any reason. And yes, he will probably start taking things out on you. Been there.

I know you truly believe you love him, and perhaps that he loves you. You are only a year and a half into this marriage and based on my very close situation to yours, if I had a choice at a year and a half to run for the hills -- I would!!! Before children. Before more time passes. Before you get hit. Before his probable acholism gets even worse. Before his rage erupts and affects you or future children in ways that you cannot even imagine. My H does not rage, but he is a beer-drinking, functioning alcoholic (he works, brings home money, does not stay in bars until 2 a.m., does not get sloppy drunk and pass out and for all these reasons refuses to see that he has a major alcohol problem). I'm 18 years into this marriage, 21 into the relationship and I have two wonderful daughters that I would not trade for anything in this world. But. But, had I known then (where you are at now) what I know now (after 18-21 years) I would never, never have put myself or any future child of mine in this situation purposely!!! Run for the hills. You deserve a true loving relationship with a man who knows what that means or at the very least is willing to work together with his life-mate to achieve it.

Belle,
The others are right...he is just going to get worse. He is an alcoholic and you can't help him. All you can do is help yourself.<p>Pawn your wedding rings if you have to...get the money and go home to your family!!! From my viewpoint, there is no future here unless you want to live in misery the rest of your life. Just Thank God you have no kids.<p>Please post and let us know how you are.