My W and I are about to celebrate our second anniversary, but niether one of us is convinced that we will get that opportunity. After 9-11 my W struggle with her own self identity. She seeked out the acceptance of other men on a casual basis. To do this she felt it necessary to lie to me of her plans, what actual happened, and why.<p>Since we have had many discuss and some conseling about those events nearly nine months ago, but I am still struggling with how to forget the hurt and loss of trust. I have told her I have forgiven her, but I cannot forget those events and not knowing what happen entirely or why she needed to lie about her needs at the time. I am constantly bringing it back up to the surface and all it does is hurt her over and over.<p>How does someone move on without having the closure of why and how to prevent it again? We love each other and are best friends. Both of us get more out of celebrating our triumps and failures together, but without me learning to let go fo the past I will surely lose her.

My gosh, all of this happened before your second anniversary. This is very sad. If you wish to stay married then both of you need to get into marriage counseling immediately. She will have to open up and be honest with you about what happened and why. You cannot rebuild unless you know the whole truth. To have this happen so early in your marriage is even more disturbing.
Being honest with you is the only way to rebuild which is why counseling is a must. Her attempt to simply bury it and go into denial is doomed to failure. I wish you luck.

Have you read SAA? It helped me understand the why and how to recover after the A. <p>I found that forgiving my WH possible once I realized it did me no good to hold to it. But I had to hear the truth from him first and cry a lot. Also, I can't Plan A very well if I don't forgive him. I also realized that I couldn't change what had happened, but I could change the present situation. It feels good to forgive and you'll do it when you are ready. <p>Take care!