My husband smoked cigarettes for four years before we met. When we met I told him flat out that I would not date him if he continued to smoke. He knew the health risks involved with smoking and he knew he wanted to get to know me better, so he quit.<p>(history: both of my parents lost their lives due to cigaretts)<p>It's been a little over two years since he quit...we have now been married for 15 months. Five months ago I found out that he is smoking again. We had a long talk about it and I told him that not being honest with me hurt more than the fact that he started smoking again. So he promissed that if he had the urge, he would tell me and together we could beat this addiction. <p>It's now been THREE more times that I have found more cigaretts and he continues to say he is not smoking!!! <p>Why is he still lying when I told him that it hurt more than just telling me he can't quit smoking?<p>What can I do to help him see what I believe smoking is doing to him?<p>I can't continue this game. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

I had the same problem with my H. I don't know if you want me to be the one to give you advice, since I have been separated for 9 months and have not spoken to my H since the separation.<p>In my case, it started with the lies about smoking and then extended to lying about porn use, lies about his income and credit card balance, lies about where and who he was with, to him "not having to tell me anything and if I ask I am prying and nagging". This over a period of about 8-10 months.<p>My advice to you is that you are at the start of a uphill battle. Stop it NOW before it gets worse.<p>Have a long talk with your H and find out how serious he really is about you and the marriage. Tell him that you not being able to trust him is a VERY serious issue and you both need to DEAL with it NOW. Without trust there is no marriage. Ask him how does he think he can make it possible for you to be able to trust him again. <p>at that point in my relationship I had regressed to searching my H's clothing and dresser and desk, looking for cigarettes and lighters. I also have a sensitive nose and could easily tell if he had been smoking. Tell your H you don't want it to get to that point where you feel you can't trust what he tells you.<p>Be suspicious if your H suddenly decides to take an evening or morning walk. Go with him. or if he suddenly starts needing to "go for a drive" or in my case go to his mother's, etc.<p>It seems like something so small "my husband is smoking" but trust me, it is VERY important you deal with it now.Please post to let me know what is going on. I sincerely hope you don't end up like me!!!!!!<p>A.

Gena,<p>I know what you mean...but I think you are making the situation worse by nagging him. My h smokes and I hate it and he really has tried to stop but it's a hard addiction to beat. That, with the fact that you really can't see what smoking does to you (unlike my addiction-food), makes it less vital to stop now.<p>My h lies about the smoking too but I know it's because if he is honest about it, then I start b*tching to beat the band. I know the dangers are so personal for you but he's an adult and you kind of have to let him make his own decisions. Of course, you can always end the marriage over this... but I think there must be a compromise. My h does not smoke in the house or in my truck.