As you all know, H came to me and wanted to rebuild our marriage. He said he had made a mistake and really did love me, etc. So, we made plans on Friday for him to move back in tomorrow. He was going to tell OW last night. I told him to call me at work if she kicked him out or something. I didnt here from him so I figured it went ok and plans were on. I talked to him this morning and he said "We are talking." I asked what that meant and he said that he just didn't know what to do, that he loves us both and doesn't know what he wants and wishes he could talk to someone about it. I said that this was hard on me for him to make a decision and then change his mind. He said he needed to think and would call me tomorrow (Sunday). I am at my wit's end with this and need some advice please!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

My H did the same thing to me a few weeks ago. On Mon he called up and said he wanted to come home. He never showed up. He said that he just didn't know what to do. On Friday he bought a house with her. He is now living with her but says it's not over between us. My advice to you is to keep your mind focused and until he says OW is out of his life don't get sucked into letting him come home.

Camarinick - I'm in the same boat. My H says he loves me and he loves OW. OW is from another country and is in town now. They are staying at a hotel and trying to figure out if their relationship is 'real' or not. He has told me he is terrified of making the wrong choice. <BR>We're in plan B. She is here till 9/9. Told H won't see/talk/email with him till she leaves. Then he must tell me his decision. <P>I too am at wits end. I'm doing all I can to take care of me, get help from friends, etc. But its really hard to get my head (and heart) from thinking about what is going on and what kinds of things they are deciding. <P>Don't know how they can figure out big life stuff in a hotel room with a 2 1/2year old kid (her son). H has never 'done' kids in his life. He's 52. <P>Oh well.

I can completely identify with what you are going through for my H told me the same thing....that he loved both the OW and me.<P>After 4 mos of him running back and forth between her and me and many tears and a lot of pain I felt that I couldn't deal with trying to fight for him anymore and if he was having such a hard time deciding between, me his wife of 17 years or another woman, I would make the choice easier for him, so I began accepting what he wanted and I decided to give him his freedom to be with her so I filed for divorce, determined to pick up all the shattered pieces of my life, get away from the area where I would have to know what they were doing, and started packing up all my stuff to leave, I had had it!<P>Two days later as I was packed and ready to get out of town, he came home and said that it was me that he wanted and that it was over between them. He had made a mistake and that it was a joke that went to far (whatever that meant).<P>That was 7 months ago and although I still have a lot of pain because of what he did, we are getting closer than we ever were before. I think that sometimes they need a reality check in order to shock them back into the real world. <P>I knew at that time that I may indeed lose him but at the same time knew that I had to do this for me regardless of how much I loved and wanted him, there was nothing that I could say or do that could get him to see that what he was doing was a real mistake and I sure wasn't going to let him have his cake and eat it to, I didn't deserve that from him. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do.<P> You have to come to the point of being able to really let go and I had done that. He saw that he was going to lose me and the games that he was playing just wasn't worth it. <P>Not every situation is the same but for you, you have to get strong and accept that which you can't change, and pray that in time he will come to his senses. I also felt that if he did really want this woman and not me, that while I was dealing with the pain of knowing that, I felt that I had nothing else to lose and that I should deal with everything at one time and get closure for me, I couldn't spend the rest of my life going through feeling the rejection and knowing that he no longer loved me, I had to move on or lose my sanity all together. <P>This is just my story....hope you find your own solution soon.<P>