I am new to this site and was looking for marriage counseling from somewhere. Maybe some advice from others would help.
I have been married for 14 years. My H is says he is a very controling husband. I say "he says he is" because in reality he lets me go places when he's not at home and he lets me take out money for groceries, our 2 kids tuition, gas money and spending money for myself. He is leaves me alone pretty much about that money. He tells me that he should be in control of our marriage as the H and that I am always trying to control it.
He says I try to contol our conversations. The other day I had just fed the cats and I went over to where he was changing the oil in the car. He said to make sure not to overfeed the cats. I heard him and but didn't aknowledge what he said and mentioned something to him about the new mower that was beside him. He went balistic and said that "Did you hear what I said?!" I said "Yeh, don't overfeed the cats." He said, "Well, you could acknowledge that you heard what I said! You do that on purpose just to get me mad! You get some kind of pleasure out of getting me mad!" I was shocked! I hadn't meant anything at all by it. He is very paranoid about people not "listening" to him. He sulks and pouts when someone doesn't look him in the eye and follows every word he says. He says that we "don't connect" in our thinking. He's a perfectionist in many ways (I'm not.) He says we can't communicate because of it. He keeps track of all the world news, neighbor's business and cars, and his work and gets angry if I don't know what he's talking about when he mentions something about it or I ask questions for him to clarify something he said. He gets very angry. Our comunication is all but dead. We talk about 10 minutes, argue about 15 minutes and then go through the silent treatment for about 2 days.
The thing is that he gets very angry about crazy things and he starts yelling at me and/or the kids and it's like he's possessed or something. He has hit me (usually slapping my face) about 10 times in our marriage and has lost it with our children, too. One time I got so mad I hit him back and that's when he hit and kicked me pretty good and I ended up with bruises and leaving home. I have left him for about a week at a time 3 times and stayed at my parents. He went through a time when he was drinking for about 6 months (he's an alcoholic) about 10 years ago. He's been off the alcohol for about 10 years.
He has told me before that he wishes that he had never married me and when I ask him if he has every had sex with anyone while we were married, he tells me that "If I had, I wouldn't tell you." I guess it makes me feel pretty insecure in his love. Deep down I really don't think he has done anything but just likes to keep me wondering. Is that a control tactic?
We are Christians and go to church regularly. He tries to be a good Christian in many ways too. I do love him and he can be very sweet when he wants to be. I believe in the Bible where it says divorce only for infidelity or death.
Any thoughts on this troubled marriage? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
