I need help please. My wife and I have been married for 2 years (with a baby) now and we just don't see eye to eye when it come to finances. My wife insisted that we keep separate accounts like we were before we married and her reason is that I need to pay off my credit card debts before she would be willing to do any joint account (most of the credit card debts I put on my card was from the wedding). I said fine, I'll pay off my cc and you pay off your cc and while we do this, you and I need to contribute to our shared expenses in this house we live in equally (since she make the same as I). What happened since then is that my wife concentrate her income resources on her private expenses and debts first before she think about helping me pay for this house we both live in. Sometimes she pay when she work, sometimes not pay even when she work. We have separate accounts and she knows the bills that come in every month that I have to pay (along with my private debts like student loans and cc), but I do not know where her money is spent. I have shown her some of my plans as far as financing goes for both joint or separate accounts and she rejected both..she basically want to pay whenever she wants to pay or pay little that is not equal to half of the expenses here. what can I do here to change the situation? Seems like whenever we talk about money and expenses..we end up in a fight and my wife's arguments just don't make sense to me..like "you have to take into consideration of my age (she is 6 yrs older)"..or

My suggestion is that you and your wife have part of your paycheck directly deposited into a joint "house" account that will be used to pay household expenses.

Where I work, we allow employees to have their paycheck split into up to 3 different accounts. So, could have 3 direct deposits and net pay in form of check. This way, can have part of pay go to "house" account, part to child's college account, part to individual savings and balance in check.

I believe some money should be contributed by each partner toward house expenses.

That was part of the 2 choices I showed her from the begining as soon as I started seeing problems with the financial arrangement. 1st choice is to have separate accounts but do have one joint account to share the household expenses and the 2nd choice is to have every thing in one account and make all financing decision as one. I even did the math to show her exactly how much she should contribute based on what she bring home that month and what I bring home that month (we each have a ratio of individual_income/total_household_income for that month, multiply by the total joint expenses for that month). I think my math is right..as others I talk to but my wife rejected it.

What is the best solution here for a married couple as far as finances?..joint or separate? Either one is OK with me (as I have told her) but the key ingredient here is responsibility which she lack as past experience into 2 years of marriage showed. She is un-yielding and will not listen to reason and when she is wrong, she never apologize. I work in computer field so I have a good analytical mind and trying to analyze the situations with my wife is very frustrating. I asked her to go to counseling and she made one session, broke down, didn't return after that. Counselor said she is highly emotional and think the whole world is against her. I went and told my side of the story and the counselor basically told me what I had told him is what the "normal" marriage relationship should be.

Money can be such a source of conflict. Your issue is one that my H & I have been dealing with since we have been married (3 yrs).

We just finished (June) Dave Ramsey's Seminar on finances (Financial Peace University). It helped a lot. Took a long time to talk him into it, though. You may want to check out the web site (DaveRamsey.com) for more info. It was very affordable, but we went through a local church, and churches receive deep discounts on the course.
You can call his office for info about the next course in your area.

The course helps learn that couples MUST communicate if they want to have peace in the area of finances. Once you can communicate there, you can hopefully improve in other areas of communication as well.

The book, "Financial Peace" may help you sell her on the idea of the class. If not, I recommend you at least get a copy and read it yourself. It is so easy to read. Dave writes just like he talks on the radio. The book will definitely help you pinpoint ways to cut expenses and help free up some money in your own budget, and in areas you didn't even think about (like insurance). That, at least, can help relieve some of the stress you are dealing with as you are trying to hold it all together financially.

For me, it was hard to have the "seperate checking" mindset, since my feelings were that we married to join every aspect of our lives. I felt like money was more important than I was. It didn't feel like much of a marriage to me, with things like they were.

It is tough to deal with, I pray for the best for your situation.

I have a hard time with the whole concept of seperate accounts. (just my opinion) My H and I have ONE checking account. WE pay the bills!!! When we got married, we BOTH absorbed each others debt!!!

Granted I am NOW a stay-at-home mom. But I have the same access to the check book as my H does!

I believe that when you get married, you share EVERYTHING!

-mcnyh

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and all of those years have been in deep deep debt. I've done about everything I could to change the situation but as nothing helped. She'd rather handle the finances but I don't believe she is very good at the choices behind it. She's awesome at the actual math within but not the decisions. For instance: seems simple to me.... if you have 5000 and are in 10,000 worth of debt, then trhe smart thing is to use the 5000 against the 10,000. But that didnt' happen. Instead it was nickel and dimed until it was completely gone. Now you have to take in mind, she didnt' want to work either. So I'm the only one working - two jobs at that and have been most of our marriage. I say stay with the two different accounts!!!! and pay only your share... if she can't pay her amount then you're household bill will be paid insufficient or not even sent at all. If your bill is 100 then you're resposible for 50. IF she pays part of that or nothing then your bill will be delinquent. I say try it out and let her understand the resposibility she pays in this. Sure it'd be great to have joint decisions and a joint account but thats if the decisions are equally shared. Right now I'm behind on every debt and bill I have.... My regret is that I let her handle this area. It's brought down the entire family unit. It doesn't just effect her or even me but our whole family... When buying food is a luxury then you know you're not doing too well. Get it early on before it takes over you.