I'm a new user here, so I'll try to give you the short version...
I'm 30, married to a 38 man. He has 2 children (13 & 16). He adopted my daughter (11). We have no bio. children between us. All of the children live with us. The mother of his two are still in their life. My daughter has no ties to her father. And we have been married for almost 10 years. We are not rich, we get by and have nice things.
I told him a couple weeks ago that I had thought about leaving because I want to be able to explore and find myself and I was tired of being the step mother. The grass on the other side of the fence is calling me. But I ended up staying - I had no plans of where I'd even go and I'd probably just been thinking too much anyway or watching too many "carefree" movies.
Other issues that come into play - I'm at a dead-end job (will be closed down within 2 years) and there is nothing here that pays as well, he won't let "our" daughter take some classes or join clubs. My daughter and I are extremely close and we cannot be together at home when everyone is there, because my husband thinks we are plotting against him or something. The relationship between me and the boys (his kids) has never been tight. When you get told some many times that "your not my mom" you stop trying to be. So I have this wall up that I really don't want anything to do with them.
Anyway - I have been satisfied with our marriage and family, until recently. I'm not sure why. I just feel like I want to go out and explore some things on my own. I grew up quickly - right after school and now I'm searching for some excitement and adventure. I suppose on the outside looking in - everything is perfect.
I asked my husband if I could go out of town for the weekend by myself - just to get away for a little bit. He absolutely blew up! He sees no reason that a married woman would want to go off for the weekend by herself - I was planning to meet up with some women that I had been chatting with on the internet, go shopping, whatever. He didn't like the idea of meeting up with strangers that I met on line (he thinks chat rooms are only to talk about sex and for others to find people to murder) He told me that if I wanted my independence and freedom, we could get a divorce.
He wanted an answer right then and there...I thought long and hard about it. I was going to leave, but I didn't know if that's what I wanted or not. So I left the house for a little bit. In the mean time, the oldest son came home and he told him that we were getting divorced. And on top of that he told him that it was that I didn't want to be a step mom anymore.
We had just been talking that we wanted to remain friends and sort things out nicely. I guess I got the impress that we would then tell the kids together. I was shocked to come home and he told me that he told the oldest.
What am I to do?
I ended up telling him that I would stay I've come this far, I might as well just stick it out. But now one of the kids knows and you know that he told the others. Then on top of that, I'm sure they told their mother and lord know who else. (Although their mother has no room to talk - she just got married for the 6th time.)
Can a married woman have a little space? To get refreshed. What would probably happen....I'll go out of town, have miserable time, because I'm a lone and come home happy to have the things I have. (I know he's probably been a little protective cuz that's probably how he got burned in his first marriage.)
Please help.... Since all this has transpired, I'm in a cage... where you going, when will you be back. LET ME BREATHE!
If I should be able to get away - give me some ideas on how to get that accomplished.
Anyone's thoughts and/or ideas are greatly appreciated.
THANKS
