My boyfriend and I are progressing towards marriage, but we seem to keep having the same argument. His "best friend" (yes, the quotes here are meaningful) has a wife whom I can't stand to be around. I could go on for pages as to why, but to be short, she behaves in ways that make me angry and uncomfortable. He agrees that she is not his favorite person, but he has to put up with her in order to spend time with his friend.

The problem is that our every social outing either centers around them or includes them. If I don't go to these outings, I feel excluded from my boyfriend's social life, and I find this unacceptable. If we do something else, he eventually gets resentful and feels that he is neglecting his friend. I am angry that he would continue to insist that I spend time with a person who isn't nice to me. Nearly every week we have this argument.

We sat down and discussed how I felt and how he felt, and in the end, we made an agreement that twice a month, he and his friend would have a "guys night" (with ground rules, of course). Otherwise, we wouldn't see this couple. Instead, we would try to cultivate other friendships with people that we both like.

This week his friend was having a get together and invited my boyfriend and me. My boyfriend really wanted to go. But instead of acknowledging our agreement and saying that he wanted to revise it, he said, "I'd like to go, and I'd like for you to go, too. But, I understand if you don't want to." I reminded him of our agreement, which was supposed to solve this very problem, then we fought about it. I know this sounds small, but I am furious that he didn't live up to his word. I am disappointed, and I am wondering if he is capable of being the man I need him to be.

I don't want to have to make him choose, but if we can't work something out that we both can agree to, then I feel that his first loyalty must be with me. I don't want to get married if it isn't.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

My opinion is, that if he intends to marry you, his first loyalty should be to you. He should not have to give up his friends, which it sounds like you are not asking him to do. You came up with an agreement, and he should honor it. If he wanted to modify it, fine, as long as both are agreeable.

Thanks, Sue With Hope. That's what I thought, too.

I feel pretty frustrated, because every potential solution that he or I have come up with doesn't work, usually because his friend doesn't make an effort. It would be different if his friend hadn't run into this before with his wife, but apparently this eventually happens with every couple they meet. What usually happens in those situations is that those couples drift out of the picture. My opinion is that we are making every effort, including me martyring myself (which I am not willing to do anymore), to make this work, and I don't see any effort on the other side. This leads me to believe that this friendship is a lot more important to my BF than it is to his friend.

But, I digress. Does anyone have any creative ideas about how they can spend time together without me feeling like we don't have a social life as a couple?